


Tattooed Indents

by I_glitterz



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician), Tommy Ratliff (Musician)
Genre: Angst, Domestic Violence, M/M, Poetic License, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-07
Updated: 2012-01-07
Packaged: 2017-10-29 03:39:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 26,523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/315403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/I_glitterz/pseuds/I_glitterz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Summary in notes :D</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tattooed Indents

**Author's Note:**

> **Summary:** Tommy’s been in an abusive relationship for the last nine years. He'd just joined Adam Lambert's band and was asked by Adam to go to Cabo with him. After a horrible fight with his boyfriend, Tommy decided that he needed to get away for a few days, so he took Adam up on his offer. When Tommy's boyfriend hurt him after Cabo, Tommy couldn't take it and asked Sutan to meet him, knowing that Tommy couldn't talk to Adam for fear of them both getting hurt. After their talk, everything seemed to go fine, that was, until the AMA's happened. Tommy's boyfriend told him he couldn't be in the band anymore, that he was done, and Tommy fought with him.
> 
> After a choke out in the kitchen, Tommy was done. He was scared and feared his life, so he left, not looking back. Adam and Sutan helped him through it all, trying to get him back up on his feet as best they could before the tour started. It worked, and helped, but there was that feeling in the pit of Tommy's stomach every time Adam was around. He didn't know what it was or why it was there, but he liked it; a lot.
> 
> Can Tommy cope with being in an abusive relationship and then try not to freak out when he figures out that he's in love with Adam? What will happen when Tommy’s ex-boyfriend shows up unexpected? Will things fall apart and will Tommy fall with them, or will he rise up and take back control of his life, one step at a time?
> 
>  **Author Notes:** I want to thank everyone who stood by me in this, but most of all, I want to thank the fabulous **@tommyglitter** who helped me and beta'd for me and I just can't describe how awesome she is for everything she did for me. This story would be NOTHING without her and she deserves so much respect for her awesome and kind words. I want to thank **@pyro_batz** for doing a beta for me as well. You rock, honey!! This story was the most complicated and deranged story I've ever written. It took so long to just get it right! I am seriously thankful for all the handholding with this fic and I hope you guys enjoy it just as much as I've enjoyed writing it.  <3

Tommy was waiting in the line at the Quick Mart, hoping the lady in front of him would hurry up before he had problems for being late. When she was finally done, he took his turn, paid, and left as quickly as possible, hoping Matt wouldn’t be too angry.

He and Matt had been together for about nine years now. They met through a friend from high school. Tommy didn’t really want to date him when they first met. He was just figuring himself out. When they started talking, he felt a connection and just went with it. He honestly didn’t think it would have extended to a nine-year relationship. Out of those nine years, he’d had his fair share of shiners, broken ribs, and bloody noses.

“Damn it! Are you fucking stupid, or did your mother drop you on your head when you were a baby?” Matt spat at Tommy when he walked through the door.

“I’m sorry, baby. This woman in front of me took longer than I expected,” Tommy whispered, closing the front door behind him.

Matt raised his hand and hit Tommy across the face. Tommy’s head jerked to the side, tears stinging his eyes. He held them back, knowing that crying would only make matters worse. He would have another bruise to cover up or another excuse of running into a door.

“Maybe next time, you’ll think twice about going to that specific line, huh?” Matt hissed in his ear.

He loved Matt, he really did. Tommy would do anything for him. Matt loved him and took care of him. He was grateful to have Matt, who often reminded Tommy that no one could ever love him the way Matt did.

He also told him that no one else would ever want him, that Tommy was useless and needed Matt. Over the years, Tommy’s self-esteem had gotten so low that he had come to believe Matt’s words, and the promise that if he ever left, Matt would hunt him down and kill him. Matt told him that if he couldn’t have Tommy, no one could.

His attitude on life had gotten so bad that Tommy didn’t like to look in the mirror anymore. He quit bothering with makeup because he rarely went out anyways. He just waited on Matt, and made sure he had everything he wanted or needed.

***

Tommy hesitantly approached Matt. “I got the job.” He had just auditioned for Adam Lambert’s band and they picked him as their new bassist.

Matt wrapped Tommy up in a tight embrace, squeezing tightly and cutting off the air that was trying to get into Tommy’s lungs. He whispered, “I told you! No job!”

“Matt, let go. Please,” Tommy gasped out. When Matt found out he was auditioning for Adam’s band, he’d beaten Tommy so bad, he couldn’t walk for three days. But Tommy wanted to do this; music was his passion, so he’d accept the consequences.

The whole way home, Matt yelled and berated Tommy, telling him to give up the position. When they got home, it just got worse. Tommy was dragged into the house and pushed against the wall. Matt punched him a couple times while screaming in his face. Tommy slowly sunk down to the floor, holding his stomach and forcing himself to try and breathe. Matt never let up, and Tommy was on the floor afterward coughing and whispering ‘I’m sorry’ that fell on deaf ears. Matt told him he was just an attention whore and that he didn’t need the job, that Matt was perfectly able to take care of the both of them with the money he made. He called Tommy stupid and selfish.

Tommy kept his mouth shut and took it. The only thing on his mind was finally doing something with his music career. It’s the only thing he’d ever wanted to do, what he’d always dreamed of doing. And he _was_ going to do it!

***

Today was their first band rehearsal, and Adam couldn’t wait to meet with the whole band. He’d especially taken an interest in Tommy, his new bassist. He saw something special in Tommy and wanted to get to know him better. It also didn’t hurt that he thought Tommy was super fucking hot!

When Monte and Cam arrived, they found some chairs and got comfortable as they waited for Isaac and Tommy. Adam sat with them and when Isaac came in, he jumped into their conversation.

“Hi, I’m Isaac. It’s nice to meet you guys.”

Adam smiled brightly, “Hi Isaac! This is Cam and Monte. Monte is our lead guitarist and Cam plays the keys. Tommy should be here soon. He’s our bassist.”

They continued talking about random things, just getting to know each other. When Tommy came through the door, his jacket was pulled tight against his body, almost like he was hiding in it. He walked over to the rest of them and sat in the last chair.

“Hi, I’m Tommy,” he whispered softly.

Adam took in his profile. He seemed really small, almost too small. “Hey, Tommy! We met at the audition, and you met Monte there, too. This is Cam and Isaac.”

Tommy nodded and sat back, listening to the conversation.

***

When it was time to start practice, everyone took their positions. Tommy went to the far right corner and plugged in his bass.

“Hey, if you have any problems, let me know,” Monte said as he approached Tommy from behind.

Tommy jumped a little, turned around and nodded. He was still aching from the bruises left on his ribs by Matt. “Thanks, Dude.”

***

Over time, with all the practices they spent together, Adam and Tommy became very close. Afterward, if Matt was working, Tommy would go to Adam’s house and they’d sit around watching movies they both loved, or just talk. Adam tried to get Tommy to talk about relationships, but Tommy always steered clear of the subject.

Tommy got a lot of shit from Matt for spending so much time with the band. Matt was jealous and showed it by constantly putting his hands on Tommy. Tommy was his property, and he’d never let him forget it. Matt constantly reminded Tommy that the people around him would be like everyone else in his life. They would leave him when they saw what he was really like. Tommy felt like he was doing everything wrong, like he couldn’t do anything right, and everything was his fault. When Adam asked him to go to Cabo with him, Tommy declined, saying he had things he had to do.

One day at rehearsal, Matt came to pick Tommy up. Tommy had just barely grabbed his jacket when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He stiffened out of habit and turned around, only to relax when he saw it was Adam.

He smiled sweetly. “Hey, Adam.”

Adam smiled down at Tommy. “Hey, are you sure you don’t want to come to Cabo with me? It will be a great vacation, I promise, you’ll love it.”

Tommy wanted to go; he really did, but he’d talked to Matt about it earlier and Matt flat out refused to allow him. Tommy sighed. “I can’t, I’m sorry, Adam. I just can’t.”

Adam nodded, and then sighed. “Okay, can I walk you to your car?”

Tommy blushed, and nodded.

When they got outside, Tommy froze in his tracks, staring at Matt leaning against his car. He’d forgotten that he’d been dropped off and Matt would be picking him up afterward. Matt had his arms folded across his broad chest, a set expression on his face, and was staring daggers at Tommy. Tommy knew he was in trouble.

Tommy turned to Adam. “Hey, thanks but I have to go. See you tomorrow?”

Adam nodded slowly, disappointment written all over his face. He looked toward Tommy’s car and asked, “Who’s that?”

Feeling nervous because Matt was watching, Tommy hesitated for a second. “That’s M-Matt, my boyfriend.”

Adam’s eyes widened suddenly with that information.

Matt started tapping his foot, and Tommy knew he was getting impatient. He turned back to Adam. “Listen, I’ve got to go. Have fun in Cabo, okay?”

“How long have you guys been together?” Adam asked with a confused expression.

“About nine years. Look, I really have to go. Sorry.” Tommy walked off, not wanting to make things worse on himself. He knew Matt was already upset.

“Having fun with your boyfriend, whore?” Matt hissed and then grabbed Tommy up and planted a fierce and rough kiss on his lips, showing Adam just who Tommy belonged to.

Tommy whimpered. He hated when Matt got like this. He would usually end up with bruises the next day. “Matt, stop it.” Tommy shoved himself away from Matt and got into the car.

Tommy didn’t see the fire that burnt in Adam’s eyes as he watched their interaction or the anger in his stance as he walked away.

***

The night before he was leaving for Cabo, Adam decided to have a little get-together at his house. He invited the band and their partners, as well as a few of his longtime friends. He figured that if Tommy’s boyfriend came, he could talk with him about taking Tommy to Cabo with him. He figured Tommy wouldn’t go because his boyfriend didn’t like the idea of it being just he and Tommy, but they weren’t going alone. Some of Adam’s other friends were going as well.

***

When they arrived, Tommy was tucked under Matt’s arm securely. They roamed the room until they found a secluded area, and then Matt sat down on a chair and pulled Tommy onto his lap. Tommy curled into him, resting his head on Matt’s shoulder.

“I love you,” Tommy whispered to him. Matt was being very sweet today, and Tommy was taking every advantage of his sweet side. It was a rare occasion when this side of Matt came out any more. This was the side he fell in love with when they first met. Matt would take him places, like the movies, or to concerts, just to show him off in front of everyone they knew. Tommy missed that time when everything was good in their relationship.

Matt wrapped his arms around Tommy, pulled him closer and kissed his forehead. “I love you, too, baby.”

***

Adam watched the couple, an itch of jealousy rising up, but he patted it down when he saw Brad bringing him a pink drink. “Here, take your mind off of the taken bass player.”

Adam chuckled. “He and I are just friends, Brad. You know this. I’m happy that he has someone.” Adam had told him that he thought Tommy was pretty, but Brad knew him well enough to know he was interested in Tommy.

Adam was watching the way Tommy kissed along Matt’s neck, giggling when Matt laughed. The green monster came out again, but he pushed it aside and turned to Brad. “So, where’s your boy toy for the night?”

Brad jumped giddily. “I’ll have to introduce you to him! God, he’s gorgeous and he’s so funny. He’s hanging out with Danielle, probably talking about the latest fashion accessory or something.”

Adam laughed. It was good that he and his ex were friends and could talk about this stuff. Adam looked back over to where Tommy and Matt were, and noticed that Tommy was now on the floor by Matt’s feet. His arms were wrapped around Matt’s legs possessively and Matt was eyeing him with lust filled eyes.

After Brad went off to find his date, Adam walked over to introduce himself, and also, to bring up Cabo again. When he reached Matt’s side, he placed a hand on the chair arm. “Tommy! So, who’s this?”

Tommy looked up at Adam.

“Matt, Adam, Adam, Matt. Adam is our singer,” Tommy said to Matt.

Matt extended his hand and Adam grabbed it. “Pleasure to finally meet you, Adam. I’m Tommy’s boyfriend.”

Adam was wearing his paparazzi smile, a smile he never gave Tommy. “It’s very nice to meet you, Matt. Hey, I was hoping to talk to you... Alone,” Adam said, and then glanced at Tommy. Tommy visibly shook, and looked almost scared. Adam wondered what was on Tommy’s mind. He didn’t seem to want to let go of Matt’s legs.

“Ease up, baby. I’ll only be a few minutes and then I’m all yours.” Matt kissed Tommy sweetly on the mouth and followed Adam out onto the balcony.

When they were alone, Adam turned and motioned with his hand for Matt to have a seat. When they were comfortable, Adam spoke. “I was wondering if I could borrow Tommy for a few days. I’m going to Cabo for a business thing and need him to come along with me,” he lied. “I wanted to talk to you about it, and assure you, there is nothing going on between us, that this is only business.”

Matt smirked. “Tommy isn’t interested. We’ve already talked about it, and I don’t want to have him away from me for that long. I don’t like the idea of him being alone with you. That’s my boyfriend, not yours. I’ve seen the way you look at him, and I don’t like it! So, forget about Cabo.” With that, Matt stood tense and jumpy, as if he were looking for a fight.

“This is just business, and I have no intentions of taking Tommy from you. Can you just think about it?” Adam pleaded.

“I’ve already thought about it enough!” Matt stated before walking away without another word.

Adam saw him go to the restroom and decided that if he was going to get Tommy to go to Cabo with him, now was the time to do it. He walked back inside, made his way to Tommy and sat down next to him. Tommy seemed a little nervous or maybe uncomfortable, so Adam scooted a little closer in the hopes of calming him.

“Will you please come to Cabo with me, Tommy?”

Tommy sighed. “Look Adam, I can’t just up and leave with you. Even if I wanted to, I’d still have to talk to Matt about it.”

Adam was used to getting his own way, and tried to think of a way that he could possibly get Tommy to accept without Matt having to agree upon it.

***

Tommy was scared shitless. Adam just waltzed over and suggested he go to Cabo with him after Tommy had already told Adam that he couldn’t.

Adam rested his hand on Tommy’s shoulder. “Please... Come with me.”

Tommy sighed. “It sounds like fun, Adam. Just... let me think about it.” It was the only thing Tommy could think of saying to get Adam to drop it.

Adam nodded his head, smiled and leaned over, hugging Tommy. Tommy returned it.

Matt walked over a few moments later from wherever he’d gone, and when Adam stood, Matt took Adam’s seat. Matt put his arm around Tommy and Tommy leaned into him, resting his head on Matt’s shoulder.

Adam smiled. “You two love birds have fun, and I won’t be a bother any longer.”

Matt nodded at Adam, and then focused on Tommy. Tommy nodded, looking down. Matt gripped his hand so tightly, the blood circulation was surely cutting off. Adam left them to play the nice host, and when he was gone, Matt’s demeanor changed. “I don't like it when I see other men sitting so close to you, and you letting them touch you. Fuck, you even let him hug you!” Matt growled. Tommy saw the jealousy in Matt’s eyes as Matt squeezed his hand harder.

Tommy didn’t understand for a second, and then he remembered Adam resting his hand on his shoulder and hugging him. “It was just a hug, Matt,” Tommy whispered nervously.

Matt leaned over and hissed into Tommy’s ear. “Get our things. We’re leaving. You need to learn just who you belong to.”

Tommy nodded, got up and walked over to collect their coats. Then, he quickly went around telling the people he knew that they were leaving. When he got to Adam, he pulled Tommy into a hug. Tommy gently pulled out of it, knowing he’d be in even more trouble for letting Adam touch him like that again.

He didn’t see Adam watching suspiciously as they headed to the door, Matt’s vice-like grip on his arm. Tommy didn’t try to pull away; he knew it would only make matters worse.

***

When they got home, Matt calmly walked through the door, and went to the kitchen to get something strong to drink. Tommy went to the couch and sat down, running everything through his head that happened at Adam’s.

Matt walked into the living room, a drink in his hand, and made his way to the couch. He sat down and glared at Tommy intently. When Tommy didn’t say anything, he set his glass down a little harder than necessary and Tommy’s heart started beating faster. “You mind telling me exactly what the fuck you were thinking, Tommy Joe?” Matt said, sounding impatient.

Tommy stumbled over his words. “I-I...um...I just...”

Matt raised an eyebrow, his green eyes darkened a little more with every word Tommy tried to get out. Tommy couldn’t think about anything other than ‘You need to learn just who you belong to’.

“You just, what?”

“I was just saying good-bye to everyone. I didn’t know he was going to hug me. The hug didn’t mean anything,” Tommy whispered, looking at his lap.

Tommy kept remembering the last time Matt got really mad, he played it over and over in his head like a sick movie. He was on the floor, with Matt screaming at him while he kicked him senseless. He remembered what his face looked like, bloody and bruised.

When Matt pulled back and slapped him, Tommy didn’t see it coming. It was so hard that it knocked Tommy over. Tommy hoped that one slap was all he’d be getting. He knew he was wrong when Matt grabbed him by the shoulders and threw him onto the floor. Tommy didn’t want to ever get hurt that bad again. He tried to escape Matt’s hold on him, but he couldn’t. Matt pulled him to the floor, straddling his hips and pressing his shoulders into the ground with his hands. Tommy struggled, and fought Matt’s hold, but Matt firmly shoved his shoulders down to the floor.

“Why the fuck do you do this to me, Tommy? Why do you insist on pissing me off so fucking bad?” Matt yelled and slapped Tommy across the face so hard, he saw stars. Matt grabbed his face, but didn’t punch him, probably didn’t want to leave a mark where someone would see it, now that Tommy was out in the public’s eye. Even though he didn’t punch him, he slapped him around quite a few times. Tears blurred his vision, and Tommy yelped when Matt squeezed new bruises into his arms. Tommy hated feeling so weak, and incapable of protecting himself.

“You embarrassed me in front of people we barely even know?” Matt flipped him over and shoved his face into the ground; the carpet scratched his already sore cheek. He gasped when he felt Matt’s knuckles digging into his kidneys.

“Matt, please! I’m sorry, it won’t happen again, please! Stop!” he cried out; begging.

Matt hissed in a breath when Tommy bucked, trying to get Matt to move off his back so he could breathe again. Matt punched him in his sides and back, making Tommy fight for each breath.

“You’re nothing but a dumb fuck! Why do you act so fucking stupid all the time? Why do you have to embarrass me in front of everyone we come across?”

“I’m sorry... Matt... Please...”

“Like I said before, you will learn just who you belong to!” Matt roared. He got up off of Tommy, and Tommy sucked in a quick breath while Matt picked him up and pulled him to the bedroom and Tommy knew, from past experiences that Matt was going to tie him up and render him useless. Tommy hated when he did that, and tried his best to escape. Tommy heard wood crack behind his head, and saw spots dance in his vision. An aching throb started to form behind his eyes and he groaned in pain.

Matt moved closer until his face was inches away from Tommy. “Didn’t you learn a long ass time ago not to ever run from me? Don’t ever try anything as fucking stupid as that again,” he growled, grabbing Tommy’s throat and slamming his head back into the door again. Tommy felt like his body wouldn’t be able to take much more and then, he blacked out. When he could focus again, he found he’d been moved. Matt had already tied him to the bed. He yanked on the handcuffs, knowing it was useless, but he had to try. He looked over at Matt and flinched when Matt brought his hand up to grip his hair.

“Now, where were we?” was the last thing Tommy heard before Matt hit him and everything went black again.

***

Tommy woke up with a throbbing headache and he hurt all over. He looked cautiously around for Matt, and realized he was alone. The relief Tommy felt was immense. He looked at the alarm clock and knew that Matt had already left for work. Matt had released him from the handcuffs and he tried to sit up, grabbing his head when the room started spinning. If he didn’t know any better, he would have sworn a bus had just plowed into him.

Making his way to his dresser, he grabbed some clothes and then padded to the bathroom. First, he grabbed some Aleve so he could try to feel human again. Standing in front of the mirror, he surveyed the damage Matt had created. It wasn’t as bad as he’d feared it would be, since he couldn’t remember anything past being on the bed, handcuffed and scared.

Tommy sighed with relief when he saw his face. His cheeks were a little swollen, but the worst part was his stomach and sides. When he turned around, he groaned at the sight. His back was covered in healing bruises, and now new ones from last night’s assault.

With the shower as hot as he could handle it, he got in and sighed as his tight muscles started to relax. The water hitting his bruises hurt, but it wasn’t as painful as it‘d been other times in the past. Taking some soap, he carefully cleaned himself, trying to wash away the beating he got. Very gently, he washed his hair, feeling for any dried blood around the bumps he’d gotten, and was surprised he didn’t find any.

Thinking about what had happened last night made him physically ill, but the constant ache that spread through his body made it hard to ignore. Matt had truly done a number on him. Tommy found it hard to believe that he’d been beaten so badly because he allowed Adam to touch him. Adam. Adam wanted to take him to Cabo with him, and Tommy really wanted to go, especially now. He had to get away from Matt for a while, before Matt killed him. Even knowing that his disappearance would make Matt angrier, he decided to leave anyway. Tommy was going to Cabo!

He went to his room and grabbed his phone, punching in Adam’s number. Adam answered on the second ring. “Hey, Tommy Joe, what’s up?”

“I was thinking about what you said and, yeah, I’ll go to Cabo with you. Can you make arrangements this late?” Tommy asked, his stomach twisting in knots the whole time.

He heard Adam practically squeal on the other end. “Yes, I’ll get everything settled, you just pack. I’ll have a car come pick you up in an hour.”

Tommy fidgeted, gently running his fingers over the bruises on his side. “Okay, see you then.”

Tommy hung up the phone, fear overwhelming him. He realized he would have to hurry, in case Matt came home early. Rushing to the bedroom, he grabbed his blue carry-on and stuffed clothes in it as quickly as he could. He made sure he packed long sleeves and foundation to cover the marks from last night and the older bruises that hadn’t faded yet.

When he finished packing, he grabbed his phone to see if he had any messages. Adam texted him and told him that the car would be there in twenty minutes. That was fifteen minutes ago. He zipped up his suitcase, pulling it off the bed and went back to the living room.

He heard a car horn and looked out to see a sleek black car parked out front. At the last minute, he ran into the kitchen and left a note for Matt.

 

 _I had to get away and think.  
Please, don’t be angry with me._

 _Tommy Joe_

 

Tommy put the note on the fridge and then made his way out of the apartment. He gave the driver his suitcase, got into the back of the car, and that’s when his nerves get the best of him. He started doubting the decision he’d made. Matt was going to kill him when he found out what Tommy had done. The things Matt would say and do to him after he returned from Cabo kept spinning around in his head. _What am I doing? Matt really will kill me after this! I couldn’t make it any worse for myself, could I?_ Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea.

About the time he was getting ready to tell the driver to just turn around, they were already at Adam’s and Adam was standing on the front porch, smiling.

Tommy got out of the car and made his way to Adam slowly, minding the soreness he still felt with any sudden movement. When he arrived on the porch, Adam opened his arms, and Tommy walked into them. Adam squeezed a little too hard and Tommy’s sharp intake of breath was enough for Adam to loosen his grip.

“I’m so glad that you decided to come with us! I promise, you’ll have a blast.”

Tommy smiled and nodded his head. When the driver handed Tommy his suitcase, Adam reached out and grabbed it, escorting Tommy into the house. Adam set his suitcase down next to the door and then led him into the living room.

“Would you like something to drink? I can get you a glass of wine if you’d like. We won’t be leaving for another half hour or so,” Adam asked as he motioned for Tommy to take a seat on the couch.

“No, some water is fine, thanks,” Tommy said after he sat down.

Adam went to what Tommy presumed to be the kitchen, coming back with two bottles of water. He handed one to Tommy and then sat next to him.

“Um, Tommy?” Adam started. Tommy looked at Adam. “I’m glad you’re coming, but I need to let you know about the room situation. Since I didn’t think you’d be coming, I booked two rooms with two double beds, thinking there were four of us. You can share a room with me, if that’s okay with you.”

Tommy’s eyes widen at the information. He didn’t realize that he’d be sharing a room. He was afraid that Adam would see the bruises -- old and new -- that covered his body. “T-that’s okay,” he said and nodded hesitantly.

Adam must have seen his hesitation. “Unless you would rather stay in the other room?” he offered.

“No, I’ll stay with you,” Tommy said weakly, worry of his bruises filling him.

***

After everyone got their room keys at the hotel, they headed for the elevators. Sutan and Tommy were engrossed in a conversation about lip-gloss and Adam was stifling a laugh at the way Tommy’s face lit up at the many different flavors of gloss that Sutan owned.

When they reached their rooms, Adam sighed and went to one of the beds, face planting onto it. Tommy laughed and put his things down. “Hey, I’m going to take a shower. Do you need the bathroom first?”

Adam hummed and then shook his head the best he could with the mattress in his face. “No, you go ahead. I’ll need a shower though.”

Tommy hesitated. “Do you want to take one first?”

Adam lifted his head and turned to look at Tommy. “No, I can wait. Go ahead,” he said, smiling.

Tommy smiled back, got his sleep clothes, and headed to the bathroom. He leisurely took his clothes off, and folded them neatly, placing them on the toilet. When he was completely naked, he checked the mirror to see how bad his bruises had become since the inspection this morning. What he saw devastated him. Blue, green, and yellow covered his back, and fresh bruises covered his ribs and stomach. His sides had finger bruises from where Matt had dug in, trying to get Tommy to stop squirming when he fought back.

He turned away from the mirror, disgusted with himself and got into the shower, turning it on to as hot as he could handle it. He washed quickly and got out, drying carefully and squeezing the water out of his hair. He dressed and left the bathroom with his dirty clothes in hand, putting them in his backpack and then turning to look at Adam. He was sprawled out on his bed fast asleep. Tommy giggled and went over to wake him up.

“Adam,” Tommy whispered, shaking him lightly. Adam shuffled around, opening his eyes a little and peered up at Tommy.

“Tommy? You finished with your shower already?”

“Yeah, I didn’t want to make you wait,” Tommy answered.

“You could have taken your time,” Adam said, and then sat up, rubbing his palms over his eyes. When he dropped his hands, he had rings of black around his eyes and Tommy chuckled, making Adam’s head tilt to the side. “What’s so funny?”

Tommy giggled. “You look like a raccoon!”

Adam snorted and then got up, heading to the bathroom.

Tommy climbed into his bed, enjoying the luxury and comfort of it. “Hey, Adam?” he called before he could stop himself.

Adam popped his head back out of bathroom door, “Yeah?”

“Thank you for bringing me with you.”

Adam smiled. “You’re welcome. Get some sleep. We have a big day ahead of us.”

***

Adam woke up, feeling the sudden urge to piss. He rolled out of bed, rubbing his eyes as he made it to the bathroom. He went in and shut the door, turning the light on. He briefly looked in the mirror, seeing the smudge of day old eyeliner even after the shower he’d taken the night before and then turned toward the toilet. When he finished his business, he washed his face and hands. He started thinking about maybe staying up and going out onto their terrace, drinking a cup of tea as he watched the sunrise.

He padded back into the room, right in the middle of producing a huge ass yawn when he heard whimpering. He vaguely thought it was the people in the next room fucking, but when he heard it again, he looked over at Tommy’s side of the room and saw him struggling in his sleep. _Bad dream_ , Adam thought, not thinking anything of it until Tommy started mumbling things like _stop_ and _no_.

Adam walked over to Tommy’s bed and sat down at the edge. He moved his hand and placed it on Tommy’s arm, shaking him a little to wake him up. “Hey Tommy, wake up, sweetie,” Adam whispered to his sleeping form.

Tommy jerked back and forth. “No, please, stop, I promise, please!”

Adam got a little worried. He grabbed a hold of Tommy and pulled him a little closer, shaking him a little rougher this time. “Tommy, baby, wake up! You’re having a bad dream, honey.”

Tommy yelled, “Please! You’re hurting me!” He was thrashing on the bed, pushing Adam’s hands away.

Adam felt his heart break, someone was hurting Tommy and he wanted it to stop. He shook him harder, yelling, “Tommy! Wake up!”

***

Tommy tore his eyes open, looked around and saw a dark shadow holding him down. He whimpered and launched himself off the bed, but the shadow grabbed a hold of his shirt, popping the buttons and ripping it off. He ran toward the wall and collapsed in the corner, shaking with his arms wrapped protectively around his head.

The shadow had Tommy’s shirt in its hand and was looking at a half-naked Tommy huddled in the corner of the room. Tommy saw the shadow slowly get off the bed and walk ever so slowly toward him.

“No, please,” Tommy, whispered breathlessly.

“Baby… Tommy? It’s me, Adam. You’re safe. I’m not going to hurt you.” The shadow continued talking quietly until it got to Tommy’s side. When it bent down and reached for Tommy’s shoulder, he jerked away. That was when the voice registered in Tommy’s head and he looked up, seeing Adam.

“Adam? Why were you holding me down? What did I do wrong?” Tommy’s voice sounded so weak to his own ears.

Adam whispered, “Baby, I wasn’t trying to hold you down. You were having a bad dream and I was trying to wake you up. Are you okay?”

Tommy nodded, “Yeah, I’m okay, just a bad dream. I’m fine; you can go back to sleep, I’m fine.” Tommy was trying to convince himself even more than Adam. He was fine. He had Adam here with him, so he was fine. Matt wasn’t here in the room or anywhere near him, so yeah, he was fine.

“Can I help you up?”

Tommy nodded and extended his arm to him. Adam pulled Tommy up with him and held him close to his chest, wrapping his arm around Tommy’s shaking form. “It’s okay, baby, I’ve got you. I’m going to take you to the terrace so you can watch the sun rise with me, okay?”

Tommy only nodded and clung to Adam more. He felt a sudden breeze and froze, remembering that he didn’t have a shirt on. _Fuck_.

Tommy knew Adam felt the sudden shift in his demeanor because he looked down. “Are you okay, Tommy? What’s wrong?”

Tommy gulped and said, “N-nothing, um… You go ahead, I gotta go to the bathroom, okay?”

Adam released Tommy from his grip and nodded, continuing his way out to the terrace. Tommy dashed to the bathroom, but before he got there, he heard Adam gasp. _Fuck! Adam saw!_

Tommy shut the door before Adam could say anything. He leaned against it, and tried to control his panic; he felt self-conscious now. He was used to feeling that, but not around Adam. Now that Adam had seen the bruises, Tommy was sure he’d ask questions that Tommy didn’t want to answer. He hoped Adam wouldn’t push it.

Tommy opened the bathroom door slightly to see if Adam was in the room. When he saw that Adam was on the terrace, he quietly went to his suitcase and grabbed a shirt before making his way back to the bathroom. After he closed the door behind him, Tommy bent over the counter and tried to regulate his breathing again. He didn’t want to face Adam now that he’d seen the bruises; he wanted the floor to open up and swallow him.

He sighed and put on his shirt before leaving the bathroom. He walked out onto the terrace where Adam was seated at a small table with a cup of tea in his hands. Tommy sat across from him and Adam gestured to the cup in front of him.

“Drink it. It might make you feel better.”

Tommy grabbed the teacup and sipped it slowly. He knew Adam wanted to ask what had happened to him, and he was scrambling to think of a really good lie to tell.

“So… Baby, what happened to you? Why do you have bruises all over?” Adam asked, seemingly trying not to push the subject.

Tommy looked up from over his cup at Adam. “I was wrestling with a friend. You should see him,” Tommy halfheartedly chuckled. It was the best lie he could come up with on such a short notice. Adam held a very scrutinizing gaze on Tommy, probably to see if he was lying.

***

“Adam!” Tommy giggled as Adam splashed him with water. They were all by the pool, swimming, drinking, or just sitting around. Tommy had a long sleeved, dark gray t-shirt on and some black swimming trunks. He was splashing Adam when Sutan came up behind him. He wrapped his arms around Tommy and pulled him under the water. Tommy sputtered and shrieked when Sutan released him; water going down his nose and in his eyes.

Adam was laughing so hard, he slipped and went under as well. He came up looking so completely shocked that Tommy laughed at him. Adam flipped him off, and Tommy flew him a double bird with a huge smile.

Roxy was taking pictures of them when Tommy came up for air, opening his eyes and noticing her gaze on him. He was getting ready to get out when she got in front of him, asking for a picture. He grudgingly obliged, and Roxy snapped the photo. Tommy quickly got out of the pool, grabbed his drink, and settled on the towel next to Adam’s chaise lounge.

Adam came over and sat down a few moments later, towel drying his hair. “Are you having fun, baby?”

Tommy looked up at him and smiled. “Yeah, thank you for inviting me.”

“You’re welcome. Now, relax and enjoy yourself.”

Tommy nodded and went back to shade bathing. He loved warmth, but hated the sun. If he had his way, he’d be a vampire, living only in the moonlight.

***

They were sitting at one of the tables the restaurant had set up on the beach; drinking and making toasts with their wine. “Here’s to the tour, the album getting ready to launch, and to the performance we’re about to have at the AMA’s,” Adam said, before everyone clinked their glasses together.

Before long, Tommy and Sutan were deeply engrossed in a conversation about everything and nothing, while Adam was talking to Taylor about the designer boots he bought earlier today. Roxy was snapping photos of them when the waiter came up to take their orders.

“Hi, what can I get you?” The very young waiter got stars in his eyes when he saw that he was waiting on Adam Lambert. “Oh my god! Can I have your autograph, please?”

Adam chuckled and then signed a napkin, handing it to the gushing waiter. He winked and then his friends placed their orders.

“Tommy, get the sushi, it’s fabulous!” Adam bantered for the third time.

Tommy huffed. “I’ve never had sushi. What if I don’t like it?”

Adam pressed. “Just get it. If you don’t like it, you can order something different, promise!” Adam held up his hand in an _I solemnly swear_ way and then crossed his heart with his fingers.

“What are we, like five?” Sutan said.

Adam pursed his lips and then stuck his tongue out at him. Sutan smiled and then playfully hit Adam’s arm, making him pout.

“Well, if I don’t like it, then I’m going to swap plates with you --” Tommy was cut off by his phone ringing. He looked at the caller ID, then at Adam with a blank expression and then excused himself to the bathroom.

When Tommy rushed away, Sutan turned straight to Adam and narrowed his eyes, “What the fuck was that look for?”

Adam got a confused look on his face. “What look?”

Sutan made a noise that said _bitch please_. “The look Tommy gave you. He was all happy and then… blank.”

Adam glared at Sutan. “What the fuck are you talking about, Sutan?”

“I’m talking about what you guys are up to!” Sutan glared back at Adam.

“Nothing, I swear it on my Jewish grandma’s graves.”

Sutan narrowed his eyes, opening his mouth to speak when Tommy came back to the table, looking positively pale. Adam rested his arm on his shoulder. “Do you want to go back to the room?”

Tommy nodded, whispered, “Please.”

When they got back to the room, Tommy gathered his pajamas and hurried off to the bathroom.

Adam sighed, setting the card key down and going to the mini fridge to get some alcohol. When he opened it up, there was only water inside. He groaned, closed the door and dialed room service to get him a bottle of Jack. Adam then sat back and turned on the TV as he waited for the booze to arrive.

***

Tommy stripped off his clothes and got into the shower, washing the whole conversation with Matt off his body. Matt had told him that he found the note and launched into a rant about how Tommy was pissing him off to the point where things were going to change tremendously when he got home. Tommy was scared and back talked, not even thinking about it, and Matt ripped him a whole new asshole. He was in so much fucking trouble when he got home.

When he stepped out of the shower and dried off, he put on his PJ’s and opened the bathroom door, leaning against it as he watched Adam. Adam was lying on the bed, drinking Jack and watching a movie. He looked up and smiled warmly. “Hey, did you enjoy your shower?”

Tommy smiled, feeling a little better. “Fuck yeah! That water pressure is to die for!” He made a bounce for his bed, but missed when Adam wrapped his arms around his waist, pulling him into a hug. Tommy melted into him and just laid there, allowing Adam to hold him with a sort of protectiveness.

“Are you okay?” Adam whispered into Tommy’s ear. He had Tommy spooned to his chest and Tommy quickly drank down the rest of the Jack he’d taken from Adam.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Tommy said after he swallowed.

Adam hummed and then pulled Tommy tighter. “I’m tired.”

Tommy made to move, but Adam clung on tighter whispering, “Tommy Joe, please stay.”

Tommy whimpered, moving out of Adam’s arms and going to his own bed. Even without Matt’s presence, he knew that sleeping with Adam was wrong. He got underneath the covers and then drifted off to sleep.

A couple hours later, Tommy woke up startled by the nightmare he was having. He looked over at Adam and noticed he was still sleeping. Discarding his earlier thoughts about sleeping with Adam, Tommy softly and quietly got out of his bed and shifted into Adam’s. Right now this was where he felt safe, where the monster from his dreams couldn’t reach him.

***

Adam woke to a warm body snuggling close to his side, and warm breath on his neck. He opened his eyes in confusion, only to see a tuft of blond hair in his face. He smiled and tightened his arm around Tommy. Sighing heavily, he closed his eyes and thought that Tommy fit perfectly next to him.

A few minutes later, Adam felt Tommy shift and stiffen, then relax, snuggling deeper into Adam’s side.

“Good morning, Tommy,” Adam whispered softly.

Tommy lifted his head and smiled at Adam. “Morning, Adam.”

“How did you sleep? Did you have another bad dream last night?”

“Yeah, I did. I climbed in here a few hours after you crashed, trying to get the dream out of my thoughts. You were so warm, which was probably why I fell asleep so quickly. I slept pretty well.”

Adam chuckled, and looked at Tommy fondly. “Well, I’m glad I could distract you from your dreams. Do you have them often?”

Tommy shook his head and his hair brushed Adam’s face. “Not really. I don’t know why I’m having them, but the normal dreams I have aren’t so vivid and terrifying. I’m not saying that I don’t have them, because I do, but these are really starting to affect me,” Tommy said, seemingly puzzled.

“Do you want to talk about them?”

“I’d rather not,” Tommy whispered.

Adam sighed, pushing a little bit. “It might help if you talk about it.”

“Not now. I just want to lie here without having to think about what my crazy mind conjures up.”

“Okay, but if you need to talk, let me know.” Adam cuddled Tommy to his chest.

***

They stayed like that, cuddled close to each other, until they heard a knock at their door. Tommy quickly pulled away and got out of bed, knowing how it might look with them cuddled like that. Adam rose and answered the door. Sutan, Roxy, and Taylor stood there with huge smiles on their faces.

“Hey, you guys ready? We’re going to the beach and then to do some scuba diving,” Roxy said.

“We’ll be ready in a few minutes. Come in and get comfy.” Adam moved away from the door to allow them in, and then went to his suitcase for his swim trunks.

Tommy carried his Harley Davidson trunks and a black, short-sleeved tee into the bathroom with him so he could change. When he returned, the room full of people filled him with the sudden urge to cover up.

“Holy fuck, Tommy! You have awesome tattoos!” Roxy and Sutan both gasped and said at the same time.

Tommy blushed and sat on the edge of his bed. “Thanks, I usually don’t show them off because my boyfriend doesn’t really like them. He says they scare him.” Tommy chuckled when all four of them got an astounded look on their faces.

“You cover your tats because Matt doesn’t like them?” Adam asked, dumbfounded.

Tommy nodded. “It’s not a big deal, you know?”

Adam sat down next to Tommy, and rested his hand over the tattoos on Tommy’s forearm. “Tommy, that is a huge deal. These are really good and they’re a part of you, so why hide them?”

“It really isn’t a big deal, Adam,” Tommy said annoyed. Matt didn’t like them, plus he usually had bruises that he wanted to cover up, so his tattoos were usually never seen anyways. He loved them and wanted more, but Matt had put his foot down, telling Tommy _no_.

“I’m sorry, baby,” Adam apologized and kissed the side of Tommy’s head. “We all ready to go?”

Everyone got up, and headed for the door, excited to hit the beach. Tommy grabbed his phone and the card key, and followed Adam out the door.

***

“Hell no it’s not, _Silent Hill_ is by far the best scary movie out,” Sutan said, defiantly pointing a finger at Tommy.

Tommy laughed. “I didn’t get Freddie tattooed to my arm for no reason, bitch. _Nightmare_ is so much better, plus the finger knives are awesome!”

Adam was pointedly ignoring the conversation; he hated scary movies and didn’t understand why they were getting into a heated discussion over it.

Tommy looked over at Adam, looking like he was about ready to ask him what his favorite scary movie was, when a cute twink with dark hair came over. “Hey, you guys up for some volleyball?”

Adam looked up and admired the body on the boy. He had abs of steel. Adam felt a flush of desire creep over him and willed it down with a smile. “Sure!”

Sutan, Tommy, Adam, and Taylor followed the boy while Roxy watched from her tanning spot. The boy, Jason, introduced them to his team and Adam introduced his team. Jason got a sparkle in his eye when Adam talked and Adam’s voice got more seductive as he scanned Jason’s body.

Adam’s team started the game out, Tommy serving the ball. When he hit it, Jason popped it back over to their side, making Taylor and Sutan head for it. Adam stood watching until the ball was in his side of the court. When he went to hit it, Tommy came over and hit it over the net. Adam hadn’t noticed Tommy until the last minute and crashed into him, sending them to the ground; Adam on top of Tommy and Tommy having a laughing attack underneath him.

“Tommy, it was in my court, why’d you hit it?” Adam said, looking down into Tommy’s sparkling brown eyes.

Tommy looked up at Adam and it took Adam’s breath away. Tommy’s eyes were so happy and shining so bright. He hadn’t seen that light in Tommy’s eyes since he started working with him. Adam had to change his course of thought before he knelt down and kissed him. Tommy seemed to have not noticed, saying, “I wanted to surprise you, but it looks like we both got surprised, huh?” Tommy laughed again.

Adam smiled down at the boy beneath him. He got up and dusted himself off, lending a hand to Tommy who gladly took it. Jason came over with a concerned look on his face. “Are you okay, Adam?”

Adam raised an eyebrow. “Yeah? Thanks for the concern.”

Tommy scowled and then walked back to his spot. Adam looked at him with confusion, but let it go.

Jason stood there with a sweet smile on his face. “So, the guys and I were wondering if you wanted to get a drink with us. That is, when you’re not busy.”

Adam stood there shocked for a second and then smirked. “Sorry honey, as good as that sounds, I’m on vacation to relax with my friends.”

Jason smiled. “That’s fine. Well, it was nice playing with you guys.” He waved and then Adam went over to Tommy, putting an arm around his shoulder and walking back to their place on the beach. He didn’t see the jealous look on Jason’s face, or the way he scuffed and snapped a photo of them. No, he wouldn’t see that until it was all over the web.

***

“Tommy, can you help me with this suit? It feels way too small for me and I think I need help getting it on properly,” Adam said, struggling with trying to get his scuba suit to fit.

Tommy giggled and went over to Adam, grabbing the back of the suit and pulling up. It slipped from his hands and smacked Adam in the back, causing him to yelp. “Ouch!”

Tommy quit snickering long enough to tell Adam he was sorry and then started pulling and stretching again. They were doing weird moves, shaking their hips and trying hard to stretch the elastic looking suit to fit Adam’s broad shoulders.

When they got it all the way on, Tommy zipped up the back and stood a few inches away to look at Adam. Adam had a pained look on his face and he was doing what looked like the pee-pee dance. “Is something wrong?” Tommy asked while trying not to laugh.

“The suit is crushing my balls,” Adam said.

Tommy doubled over laughing and couldn’t stop until Adam pushed him over into the sand. Tommy composed himself enough to get up off the ground. “Okay, well, try to like spread your legs to stretch out the fabric or something.”

Adam glared at him. “You want me to split my nuts by trying to spread my legs?”

Tommy put on the most serious looking face he could muster up. “Try doing the splits. It might help.”

Adam huffed, but did as Tommy suggested. He spread his legs and the fabric stretched. The sand gave out underneath him and he went further down into the split, his hands holding him up from falling into the sand. “Help?” Adam said, his voice strained with pain.

Tommy smiled at him and got ready to help him up when he saw a flash out of the corner of his eye. He looked over and saw Roxy with the camera. “Please, delete that picture, Roxy,” Tommy asked.

Tommy helped Adam up from the splits of aching balls and Adam glared at Roxy. “You did not just take a picture of me.”

Roxy ran, giggling and screaming as Adam chased after her, trying to get the camera.

***

“Put your tanks and masks on. Make sure you have a buddy with you when you go down there. If you are going to take pictures, make sure you use a waterproof camera,” the instructor told them.

They all nodded their heads, got their gear on, and then one by one, slid into the water from the back of the boat. When everyone was in the water, the instructor told them to have fun and keep an eye on the air in their tanks, that it would be good for about a half hour. They started swimming, going deeper and deeper; Taylor and Sutan were swimming and holding hands, while Roxy looked like she was laughing at them for all the bubbles she was making.

Adam was looking at Tommy and pointing toward a really big fish with radiant colors that sparkled when the sun hit it just right.

Tommy looked in awe. They swam even deeper and when they reached the reef, Tommy’s eyes popped. The reef was beautiful, colors from black to electric blue shown everywhere. The reef was no more than maybe 60 feet across, but with all the sponge and coral, it looked massive. The fish were amazing, schools swimming all around them. A fish came right up in Tommy’s face and he reached his hand out to touch it, looking amazed that the fish would let him touch it.

Adam was looking at an anemone and the first thing that came to his mind was when he saw _Finding Nemo_ , and Nemo brushing his teeth with it. Adam looked around to see if he could spot a Clown Fish, but got distracted by a really, really big fish coming his way. At first, he thought it was a shark, but then he saw the nose and realized it was a dolphin.

 

Tommy watched a craw-fish poking in and out of his hole and then looked up to see Adam pointing at the dolphin next to him. Tommy swam over to see it up close, and Adam grabbed his hand and they both started petting it. Adam and Tommy moved closer together as the dolphin swam around them, creating a circle.

When their tanks began to get low, they all headed back up to the surface and got onto the boat. They talked about what they saw and how beautiful the colors were.

***

“Hey, do you guys want to spend the last day on a boat ride, just relaxing and looking around?” Adam asked at breakfast the next day. He was pretty sure they would all want to relax today after their scuba trip yesterday. It took a lot out of everyone and they'd all gone to their rooms when they got back and promptly passed out.

“That sounds good,” everyone agreed.

When they reached the beach, they saw the dock where their boat was. They climbed aboard and when everyone was situated, the captain headed out towards sea. Tommy was sitting next to Sutan, a drink in hand, and Roxy was snapping photos of them. Sutan was making weird poses and Tommy just leaned into him.

“Smile, Tommy!” Roxy whined for the sixth time.

“Why? I hate having my picture taken,” Tommy countered, taking a sip of his drink.

Adam was watching with a small smile on his face. Taylor came over to sit next to him. “Are you enjoying yourself?” Taylor asked.

Adam smiled, “I’ve had an awesome time. It’s been so relaxing and just care free, but I can’t wait for the AMA performance and the album to hit the shelves. The tour is going to be the best thing ever. I’ll be surrounded by awesome people, and it just feels like it’s the beginning of the best chapter of my life.” Adam was gushing by the time his little speech was over and Taylor chuckled.

“It’s good to finally see you achieve in the things you love most.”

Adam blushed. “I honestly didn’t think I’d make it this far. I feel like I’m finally where I belong.”

Taylor smiled and hugged his friend.

Sutan had just finished drawing everyone and was showing the picture around when Roxy came over with her camera. “I want a picture of you, Adam and Tommy together.”

Sutan got up and went to fetch Adam and Tommy to the front of the boat. They got together and Sutan gave Tommy an umbrella and a black shawl to put on. Sutan put on his tutu and Adam stood next to Sutan with Tommy sitting in between them. They posed for a few shots and Roxy joked that Tommy should put his hand up Sutan’s skirt. When Tommy did, she snapped a shot of it and they all started laughing.

The rest of the boat trip was fun, sitting around drinking and just talking about life. When the sun started setting, Roxy took the most beautiful pictures of it.

***

They were all standing at the airport, saying goodbye, giving hugs and numbers out so they could contact one another. Tommy was planning a lunch date with Sutan and Adam was planning a get together with Taylor and Roxy.

Adam and Tommy shared a ride to Adam’s house. Tommy was a little nervous; he’d had so much fun in Cabo and didn’t really want to leave. He was content to stay there with Adam forever if he could. When they got inside the house, they left Tommy’s luggage next to the door and Tommy helped Adam unpack his stuff.

“Thanks for taking me with you to Cabo. I had the best time in the world,” Tommy said after Adam’s clean shirts were hung up.

“I had an awesome time with you too, Tommy. We’re going to have so much fun with the AMA’s and the tour. I can feel it!” Adam squealed.

Tommy chuckled and went down stairs to the living room.

Adam came down a few minutes later. “Do you want something to drink? I’ve got water, juice, wine, and cold tea.”

Tommy nodded, asking for some water and Adam went to the kitchen to get two bottles of water. When he returned, he sat next to Tommy, handing him a bottle and wrapping an arm around him. Tommy snuggled into Adam’s side. He definitely did not want to leave this comforting position; he’d gotten so comfortable with Adam.

“Hey, I’m going to check Twitter, okay?” Adam got up a grabbed his laptop, and then sat back down next to Tommy, so he could read the twitter threads, too.

When his page came up, he was loaded with tweets from his fans with picture attachments that had been re-tweeted over and over. Some saying _Adam has a new arm candy_ and _Who’s the blond on Adam’s arm…his boyfriend?_

Tommy loved Adam’s fans, but he had no clue what they were talking about. He watched Adam scroll through the mess of tweets, finding one with a picture link on it. Adam clicked it and up popped a picture of Adam holding Tommy to his side and Tommy with his arm around Adam’s waist.

“Adam?” Tommy whispered, fear etched into his voice.

“Fuck,” Adam exclaimed quietly to Tommy’s whispered plea. “Shit, I’m so sorry, Tommy.”

Tommy got off the couch and started pacing, wondering what he was going to do.

Adam sat there, watching Tommy. “I didn’t know that pictures were going to be taken. I should have thought of that happening, but I didn’t.”

Tommy just shook his head. He couldn’t speak, too freaked out to even think of something to say to Adam. When they heard a knock on the door, they both jumped. Adam got up to answer the door and Tommy sat on the couch with his head in his hands, cursing himself for being so stupid. When Adam walked back in, Matt was standing next to him with an infuriated expression on his face.

“A business trip, huh?” was the first thing Matt said to Adam.

Adam shook his head, “Nothing happened, Matt. I promise. We were all hanging by the beach after a long day of interviews.”

“Why don’t you just shut the fuck up and leave Tommy alone? He was better off without you and when you’re gone, he’ll be just fine. Stay out of his life you worthless piece of shit,” Matt snarled at Adam.

Adam got angry then. “Maybe you should shut the fuck up, Matt,” he spat. “You have no clue what happened and you need to stop being so over fucking bearing all the damn time. You act like Tommy is your property, not your partner.”

“He is my goddamn property! Why can’t you just accept that and move the fuck on with your life?”

“He’s my best friend you jack-wagon. You’re just too insecure to see that he loves you and would do anything for you. Why do you keep thinking he’s going to do something to hurt you?”

“You don’t know anything, Lambert! Nothing! Stay away from me, and stay the hell away from Tommy.”

“Stop it,” Tommy whispered. They didn’t seem to hear him though, because they kept at it.

“I will not stay away from Tommy, he’s a part of my band and he’s my friend. You can’t make him give up a friendship just because you’re an asshole. You don’t even fucking trust him enough to know that he won’t cheat on you? Let me guess! You probably get mad and hit him when things don’t go your way? Don’t you?” Adam countered.

Matt got in Adam’s face then, and Tommy watched in frozen horror at the expression on Matt’s face. “You don’t know the first thing about Tommy. You can’t have him because he’s mine. He doesn’t want you. You’re just a paycheck, nothing more.”

Matt looked ready to punch Adam, and Tommy stood up. “Stop it, please! Just shut the fuck up! Both of you!” Tommy screamed.

Matt glared at Tommy and shouted, “Sit the fuck down and shut up!”

Adam glared at Matt. “Is that anyway to talk to your boyfriend?”

Tommy looked at Matt, stuck between wanting to obey him and wanting to help Adam out of the situation he was in. Matt could hurt Adam and Tommy didn’t want that. Adam was his best friend, gave him the best job, and was nothing but kind to him. But all Tommy could accomplish was to stand entrenched in the fear of what Matt would do to him.

Matt looked at Tommy, enraged. “Are you going to listen to me?”

Tommy didn’t answer, just kept staring at Matt in fear.

Matt walked over and grabbed Tommy by the arm. “We’re leaving.”

“The fuck you are!” Adam said, stepping toward them.

Tommy yanked free of Matt’s grip and ran out the door, making sure his cell phone was in his pocket to call the only person who’d helped him in the past.

~*~*~*~*

Adam looked at Matt. “See? He doesn’t need you.”

Matt turned and punched Adam in the face. “Fuck you! Stay away from him. Look what you just caused!” With that, Matt left.

Adam stayed rooted to his spot; the high of the adrenaline in his system numbed his throbbing cheek. All he wanted was to make sure Tommy was safe. He had a feeling this was the first time Tommy ever stood up to Matt. He ran out the door in search of Tommy.

***

After he’d left Adam’s, Tommy managed to make it over to his friend Mike’s house. Mike had done the best he could to calm Tommy down, but Matt kept calling, begging Tommy to come back home. Tommy ignored the feeling that he should leave by getting high with Mike. He was still too shaken up with what had happened. By the next morning, Tommy was calmer, and decided he had better go home before he made things even worse.

When he got home, Matt was surprisingly nice and stayed that way for the next week or so. He didn’t even cause much of a fuss when Tommy had to go to a practice, but he did drop him off and pick him back up for each one. At practices, Adam was concerned about him and kept asking if Tommy was alright. Even though he did his best to assure him, Adam didn’t seem convinced.

The week before the AMA’s, Tommy brought up something that happened in Cabo, and Matt went off on Tommy for every little thing. Tommy didn’t even try to fight back; he gave up after the first punch. He couldn’t handle anymore threats or abuse and did his best to escape inside himself. Matt kept ranting about what he would do to Tommy if he left, that he would kill him if he ever tried.

Late that night after Matt had gone to sleep, Tommy called Sutan, frantically asking if he was busy and if he could do a lunch date in a few days. Tommy found some peace in knowing he would be seeing Sutan soon. When they hung up, Tommy found himself pacing in the living room, unable to sleep or go back and share a bed with Matt.

Finally the day he was to have lunch with Sutan came. While Tommy was waiting at the table for Sutan to show up, he made the decision to tell Sutan.

Sutan approached while Tommy was deep in thought, so when a hand landed on his shoulder, Tommy jumped so far out of his chair it startled Sutan.

“Fuck, sorry. You scared the shit out of me, sorry,” Tommy apologized.

Sutan sat down, studying Tommy closely. “No need to be sorry, honey. I didn’t realize you were preoccupied.”

Tommy shifted in his seat uncomfortably and asked how Sutan was, trying to start a conversation. They talked for a few minutes and then Sutan asked Tommy if something was wrong. Tommy sighed and started explaining to Sutan what was going on. He started at the very beginning of his and Matt’s relationship, trying to ease into it. He talked about how he met Matt, how the relationship was wonderful in the beginning, and how Matt started to change after about two years. He talked about the first time Matt hit him, how he was so surprised and hurt, how Matt apologized and said he’d never do it again. He talked about the constant abuse he got from the smallest things, and his feelings of it always being his fault.

Meanwhile, Sutan listened; he listened until tears began to well in his eyes. He never interrupted Tommy, even when Tommy told him about the fight they had a few days ago, or about Tommy’s bruises and the beating. When Tommy was finally done, all Sutan could do was hold his hand in support.

“I’m suffocating and I know I can’t talk to Adam, because Matt would kill me. He told me to stay away from Adam. I have problems enough just going to band practice. The AMA’s are coming up next week and I’m so scared. It’s like I can’t seem to do anything right,” Tommy said lastly, tears falling from his eyes.

Sutan watched as his friend crumbled right in front of him. “I, honey, you need to leave him, leave him and never look back. He is abusing you, killing you. You need to get away from him,” Sutan said. He wrapped his arm around Tommy and held him while Tommy composed himself.

After a few moments, Sutan pushed Tommy back and ran his fingers through his hair. Tommy sniffled and sighed at the comforting touch. “I get what you’re saying, Sutan, but I’m afraid of leaving him because Matt said he’d kill me if I ever tried. And I don’t know what I’d do without him.”

“Honey, that’s not love; that’s addiction.”

They were silent for a few moments and then Tommy sighed. “I’m sorry that I dumped this all on you.”

“Don’t be sorry for talking to me, I have big shoulders. Why don’t you come stay with me for a few days, just get away for a bit,” Sutan suggested.

“You’d want me to stay with you?” Tommy asked.

“Of course, you’re my friend. I’d do anything you needed me to, honey,” Sutan said, hugging Tommy close.

“Let me think about it?”

Sutan hesitated, looking like he was about ready to argue, but then said, “Okay, but promise me that you’ll come to me if you need help or someone to talk to.”

“Yeah, okay,” Tommy promised.

They spent the rest of their time talking about different things, good things, fun things, light things; it turned out to be a pleasant lunch. Afterward, Tommy went back to Matt, just like he always did but with a lightness in his heart from knowing that he had friends who cared.

***

Adam was sitting on the couch, ice cream carton in one hand and his phone beside him on the end table. He was talking to Brad, hoping to get some good advice.

“Look, let him figure out his life. Don’t push him or anything, just be there for him,” Brad’s voice rang out from the speaker on the phone.

“But, what if they have a falling out and Matt breaks up with him? How am I supposed to comfort a broken Tommy when I’m breaking for him? I’m not that strong, Brad,” Adam sighed. He talked to Tommy a few days after the argument at practice. Tommy just smiled all friendly and told him that he and Matt worked it out and that everything was good. Except it wasn’t good; Tommy never came over anymore, and he only talked to Adam by text, never by phone. He was just slipping away from Adam and Adam wanted that closeness back so badly that it was eating at him. He was convinced that things weren’t alright, but what could he do?

Brad sighed. “Give him time with his boyfriend. They need to work out this publicity thing by themselves. Of course Matt’s going to get jealous that people assume you’re Tommy’s boyfriend. It’s because you’re in the public eye and now, so is your bassist. It’s how fame works, so deal with it and stop moping around. It will get better.” It wasn’t too long after that that they hung up.

Adam didn’t feel any better. He kept thinking that there was something he was missing, something big, but he just couldn’t put a finger on it.

***

They were backstage, waiting for their turn to perform at the AMA’s and Tommy was pacing back and forth, nerves getting to him. He was about to perform in front of millions of people. There was no time for error and correction, and he was scared he might fuck it all up for them. He kept thinking about staying focus, looking at the keys and not getting distracted in any way, so he wouldn’t ruin the biggest thing to ever happen to him. Matt was watching the performance from the audience and that threw him off a little more, but he told himself to have fun; this was his dream as well as the rest of the band’s after all.

He was stopped in his thoughts by an arm on his shoulder. He tensed and turned to see Adam, a friendly smile gracing his lips. “Hey Tommy, can we talk? I could do your makeup?” Adam suggested, trying to make the conversation light.

Tommy nodded and followed Adam to his dressing room. When they got there, Adam motioned for Tommy to sit, and Adam started working on getting his makeup ready. He looked at Tommy, then back at the counter, contemplating on which color shadow to put on Tommy’s eyes to match his really crazy looking outfit.

“Okay, so, are you cool with any color?”

“It doesn’t matter. What did you want to talk about?” Tommy asked.

Adam busied himself with grabbing the purple shadow and brushing it over Tommy’s eyelids. “I miss you.”

Tommy hadn’t expected that one. He thought Adam might be angry at him, or maybe upset for not hanging out like they used to, but he sure as hell didn’t expect this. Sweetness coated in heartache? It felt good to know that Adam cared enough about him to actually try and talk to him, work things out. He looked up at Adam, minding the brushes to his eyelid and sighed.

“I miss you, too.” He really did. He missed all the affection they showed towards one another and the constant laughter when they hung out. It gave him wonderful memories with Adam, something to look forward to; to cherish.

“Why’d you stay away then? Why don’t you even call me?” Adam asked.

Tommy sighed and squirmed in the chair underneath him. He didn’t answer right away. Hearing the hurt in Adam’s voice made him feel like shit.

Adam rimmed Tommy’s eyes in Kohl eyeliner, and brushed his cheeks with a rosy pink powder. When he was done, he grabbed the metallic blue and green eye shadows, and accented with the purple. When the final touches, lip-gloss and mascara, were done, he lifted Tommy’s chin with two fingers. Tommy looked up, staring at Adam. For a moment, time stood still. They just looked at each other, then the moment was broken when Monte came in, clapping a hand on both their shoulders.

“Let’s get this show on the road,” Monte said, paying no attention to what was going on between the two of them.

They both looked away, Adam busying himself with putting the makeup away and Tommy looking down at the floor, hoping that it would swallow him whole. He still couldn’t answer Adam. He didn’t want to tell him that Matt would probably kill him if he were to hang out with Adam like they used to.

Tommy got off the chair, heading toward the door when Adam’s voice stopped him in his tracks. “See you out there, Glitterbaby.” _Glitterbaby?_ He froze in his tracks and glanced back at Adam, confused.

Adam smiled, “We’ll talk after the show.”

Tommy nodded and then left the room. His nervousness was almost gone, but now the feeling in his stomach was different. He had butterflies, but not from nerves, more likely from Adam calling him Glitterbaby. He pushed all thoughts away and went toward the side of the stage where Isaac and Cam were.

***

 _So hot, out the box, can we pick up the pace? Turn it up, heat it up, you need to be entertained._

The lights went down and a spot light hit Adam as Cam played the slow version of _For Your Entertainment_ , then they all launched into the song.

Adam pranced around the stage. While Tommy focused on the keys, he saw blurs of Adam moving with the dancers and getting into the song. When he felt like he was okay for the moment, he glanced up to see Adam walking a male dancer on a leash.

Tommy started head banging and loosening up a little bit, getting into the song. He saw Adam fall and recover with a sick ass ninja roll. Then moments later, he watched as Adam walked toward the throne that he claimed in rehearsal, sitting down and tugging on the leather strap between the legs of the female dancer.

Tommy concentrated on the keys after that, wondering what Matt thought, seeing Adam so aggressive and domineering on stage. Even Tommy hadn’t really seen Adam this way before.

Adam came up to his platform and Tommy was looking down at his keyboard, watching Adam out of the corner of his eye. _‘Can ya handle what I’m ‘bout ta do?’_ Right after that lyric, Adam reached for him, and Tommy expected Adam to pull his hair like they practiced in rehearsal. Instead, he pulled Tommy forward by the back of his neck and smashed their mouths together. It was rough and hard, teeth and tongue, but holy shit! Tommy’s knees buckled and he had to grab onto his keyboard just to keep himself up. His mind went completely blank, but when Adam pulled back, he thought, _Oh my god, Matt’s going to kill me, fuck, fuck, fuck!_

He moved back to his keyboard to try to empty his mind by focusing on the keys so he wouldn't have a panic attack. The fact that Adam just kissed him in front of millions of people didn’t faze him, but knowing Matt saw the way Adam possessed Tommy’s mouth and made Tommy weak in the knees did. He knew he would have to find some way to convince Matt that he didn’t know that was going to happen.

***

The first thing Adam was thinking after that kiss was, _Oh my god, what did I do?_ The next thing was, _Holy fuck, Tommy’s going to hate me!_ He wasn’t sure why he’d done it, just that he missed Tommy so bad, and he just couldn’t help acting out the feelings raging through him in the performance and blatantly kissing Tommy like he owned him.

He walked offstage and found Tommy talking to Monte. He went up next to them and looked at Tommy nervously, ready for Tommy to yell at him for the kiss. “Tommy, I’m so sorry. I was really into the song when I kissed you, and you didn’t --” Tommy cut him off.

“It’s fine. You got carried away. It happens.” Tommy’s voice was a little tight but he smiled at Adam, so Adam smiled back relaxing a little. The tightness in Tommy’s smile made his words seem false, but all Adam could do at the moment was quickly hug Tommy and rush away for the interviews he had to do.

***

Tommy was a nervous wreck when he got off stage. He followed Monte to the side and Monte looked at him with concern.

“That wasn’t supposed to happen,” Tommy said tightly.

Monte nodded his head. “Yeah, he got a little carried away. This is going to bite us in the ass in the long run. The interviews are going to be rough for him,” Monte said.

After Adam came by to apologize before his interviews, Monte and Tommy went to their dressing rooms to change.

Tommy dressed quickly and put his costume on the hangers, walking out to hang up his costume on the clothing rack. Monte looked at him and asked if he was okay. Tommy said he was fine while thinking about what to say to Matt when he saw him. He got up, grabbed his small bag and said a quick goodbye before walking out of the dressing room and to the parking lot where he knew Matt was.

When Tommy got to the car, he put his things in the back seat and got in. He left his bass in the building, knowing it would make it to their rehearsal studio with the rest of the band’s things. Tommy waited for the unavoidable argument that he knew was going to happen. When Matt just drove off toward their apartment in silence, Tommy was almost grateful, but then realized that Matt was probably waiting until they got home for this.

“Matt, that wasn’t supposed to happen like that,” Tommy said, trying to break the silence. He needed Matt to know that he didn’t expect it, didn’t even know what was coming. He hoped that Matt didn’t think it was choreographed, knowing that he was right there in the audience during the performance.

Matt didn’t speak, didn’t even look in Tommy’s direction, he just kept driving.

Arriving at the apartment and gathering his things to take upstairs, Tommy was completely on edge. When they made it inside, Matt walked to the kitchen, so Tommy took his things and put them in their room, then went back to the living room where Matt was sitting on the couch staring holes into the coffee table. Tommy walked over and sat down on the chair next to the couch, giving Matt the space he needed.

“You know?” Matt started, the calmness in his voice unnerving Tommy like nothing else. “We’re not going to argue. I’m not going to yell at you.”

Tommy stared at Matt. “That wasn’t supposed to happen, Matt. You have to believe me. If I’d have known, I would have stopped it.” Tommy knew it was true, but convincing Matt was going to be hard. Matt was acting like what he saw on stage didn’t happen; that it was just another performance of the night.

Matt shook his head. “No, I don’t think you would have,” he paused, and then said, “You’re quitting that band.”

Tommy started shaking his head, saying, “I’m not quitting the band, Matt.” He got up, putting as much distance between him and Matt as possible without making it look suspiciously like he was trying to get away.

Matt looked at Tommy and bitterly said, “Yes. You. Are.”

Tommy kept shaking his head. He wasn’t quitting the band. It was the only thing he’d been happy about in so long. He wasn’t giving that up. He wasn’t giving up the laughs he had with the band, the hugs he received, and the support he got when he fucked something up. No, he wasn’t letting that go. Matt wouldn’t do that to him; he couldn’t.

Matt glared at Tommy. “Yes, the fuck you are. I’ve dealt with this little charade for long enough. All it’s given me is a fucking hard time and a headache, so you’re done.”

Tommy stared at him, shaking with fear. “No, I’m not. I’m not quitting this band, Matt,” Tommy said firmly, almost yelling it.

Matt stood up and backed Tommy toward the wall behind him. “You’re quitting that band, and that’s the end of it,” Matt said, his voice getting louder and louder with every step he took until he was mere inches from Tommy’s face, his breath ghosting over Tommy’s cheeks, burning them like fire.

“Matt, please. Don’t do this. You know how much the band means to me,” Tommy said, hoping Matt would reconsider.

“I’m not going to sit back and watch as you practically fuck your boss on stage in front of millions of people, letting him touch you and kiss you and fucking _own_ you! You are fucking mine, Tommy! When are you going to get that through your thick fucking skull?”

Tommy whimpered as he felt Matt step even closer, pushing him into the wall with his body. He knew this was going to get ugly, and that that fucking kiss was a mistake from the moment Adam’s lips touched his; he knew. Could he have stopped it? No. Did he want to? He had no fucking clue, because the weight of Matt’s hands on his chest in that moment blocked all other thoughts out of his head besides the one that was screaming at him to fucking move!

“Matt, please. I didn’t know that was going to happen. If I’d have known, do you think I’d have let it happen?” Tommy whispered once again.

He felt Matt take a deep breath and the shift of one of Matt’s hands on his shirt. He held the whimper back and forced himself to try and stop shaking. His hands came up to block whatever was coming, but they didn’t get too far before Matt was gripping both wrists in his hands and shoving them against the wall next to his head. Tommy hissed when his knuckles came into contact with the plaster.

“You’re a fucking liar! You expect me to believe that you had no idea? That it wasn’t planned?”

“Yes!” Tommy insisted, struggling against the hold Matt had on his wrists. Somehow, he had to get Matt to believe him.

Tommy felt the impact of Matt hitting him in the stomach before it registered that Matt had let go of his wrist. He made a move to hold his stomach, but Matt pushed him back so hard against the wall that the air was knocked out of his lungs.

When Tommy caught his breath, he groaned out, “Quit it, Matt. You can’t keep doing this. It wasn’t supposed to happen like that! Why can’t you just believe me?” His voice was thickened with the tears choking his throat. He just wanted Matt to stop, stop all of this before it got worse.

Matt slapped him across the face and hissed, “Why do you insist on lying to me all the time?” He pulled Tommy’s face toward his and Tommy closed his eye tightly, his jaw aching with the force of Matt’s grip.

“I’m not lying,” Tommy had nothing else to say. It seemed like he had no way to convince Matt.

Matt tugged his shirt and pushed him toward their room. “Go to bed. This discussion is over.”

Tommy stumbled but regained his footing and walked into their room. He sat down on the bed and carefully bent over to take his shoes off. He felt numb inside. He hoped everything would be fine in the morning, hoped that they were done with this, that it was in the past and that Matt would come to terms about the band. Either way, Tommy wasn’t quitting and _that_ was final.

***

When Tommy woke up, he dressed mechanically, still a little fogged up from the piss poor sleep he’d gotten last night. When his mind cleared, he thought about what had happened the night before and felt like he might fall to pieces. He thought about Adam; his voice in Tommy’s ear when they were sleeping in Adam’s bed in Cabo, Adam calling him Glitterbaby before the show, and he knew. He couldn’t give that up.

Tommy went to the living room where Matt was watching TV before he had to go to work. Tommy sat next to him, but Matt got up and went into the kitchen, so Tommy followed him.

“What’s wrong, Matt?” Tommy asked when he entered the kitchen.

Matt turned and looked at Tommy. “Do you seriously think that I would up and forgive you, just like that?” He snapped his fingers. “You’re still done with that band.”

Hadn’t they squashed it last night after Matt told Tommy to go to bed? “I thought it was done and over with. In the past? I’m not quitting the band, I’ve already told you that.”

Matt scuffed. “You really think so, Tommy? Do you expect me to believe that you didn’t know about what he was going to do before he did it. You’re prancing around here like you make the rules all of a sudden when I told you, no band.”

Matt was getting angry again and Tommy wanted to stop that from happening. “Matt, I’m telling you the truth. I had no clue. It wasn’t rehearsed. The only thing he was supposed to do was stand next to me and play with my hair, that’s all.” Matt started slowly walking up to Tommy as he kept explaining. “He just got carried away. I really didn’t know it was going to happen, I swear, but I’m not quitting the band.”

Matt glared at Tommy and when he got close enough to pin Tommy against the wall, he wrapped his hands around Tommy’s throat. “You trying to defend him is really starting to piss me off, Tommy!” Matt growled, squeezing his throat and trying to cut off all chances of breathing. “If you think for one minute that you can go behind my back and continue in that band, you’re wrong.”

“Matt… Please… Don’t…” Tommy mouthed the words and wrapped his hands around Matt’s, trying to pry them off his neck. He couldn’t breathe and Matt was squeezing tighter. His face felt like it was getting heavier, like the blood was trying to pump harder to keep the oxygen moving.

“You just don’t get it, do you, Tommy? I make the rules; me! You are _mine_. I will kill you before I let someone else put their hands on you like that again.”

Tommy’s eye’s grew wider, his body started to feel weak and sleepy, but he tried pushing through, staying conscious for as long as he could. He tried to stay focused, but his mind started slipping. That was when Matt let him go and he tumbled to the floor, gulping in air. His heart was racing, pumping through his chest and trying to break free of his ribcage. His head was pulled back by his hair and he was staring up at a very pissed off Matt.

“Remember what I said, Tommy. You are mine,” Matt hissed, letting go of his hair, he walked out to get ready for work.

Tommy stayed on the floor, breathing and holding his throat gently. The tenderness reminded him of what Matt had done and could still do; he couldn’t go on like this. He felt like he had no control left in his life, and a gut clenching fear that Matt’s behavior was just going to get worse. Matt could have killed him just now, and Tommy wouldn’t have been able to stop it. When his tears started, he didn’t even try to hold them back. He quietly cried on the kitchen floor, curling up into a ball to make himself small as he waited until he heard the front door shut. When Tommy was sure that he was alone, he rose and went to their room to change clothes; a decision made.

With shaking hands, he packed a few of his belongings and got out his phone. He called Sutan, hoping the offer to stay with him was still there. He felt like if he didn’t leave now, he’d end up in a body bag.

It rang twice before a voice filtered out on the other end. “Hello?”

Tommy tried swallowing the lump in his throat and hoarsely answered. “S-Sutan? It’s Tommy…”

“Tommy? Baby, are you okay?” Tommy heard the shuffling of movement on the other end and knew that Sutan was getting up.

“I need to leave… I just, I have to get out… Can I stay with you?” Tommy asked, his voice breaking and raspy.

“Yes, Tommy! Come over, I’ll see you when you get here,” Sutan said.

“Okay, thanks… Bye,” Tommy said.

He didn’t leave a note, and was pretty sure he’d never come back. He went to his car, put his things inside, and headed over to Sutan’s. All his guitars were at the rehearsal studio, so he knew they would be safe.

When Tommy showed up at Sutan’s, he was standing outside with a cup in his hands. Tommy parked the car, got his things and walked up the steps toward Sutan.

Reaching his side, Tommy dropped his things when Sutan wrapped his arms around him.

Tommy held onto his friend, knowing he could show his weakness to Sutan; he just felt so drained.

“Come on, let’s go inside,” Sutan held the door open while Tommy picked up his bag and they walked in together, sitting on the couch.

“Now, what happen, Tommy Joe?”

Tommy was quiet for a second, thinking about how he could explain everything that happened last night and this morning. “Matt saw the performance last night and was pissed. He told me that I was quitting the band, and we got into a big fight over it. This morning, it just got even worse.”

Sutan grabbed Tommy’s hand. “You’re not quitting the band, are you?”

Tommy sighed. “No, that’s why I’m here. I tried talking to Matt this morning but he just wouldn’t let up about me quitting. We started arguing, and I explained once again that it wasn’t supposed to happen and that I wasn’t quitting the band, that he couldn’t make me. He wrapped his hands around my throat, said that defending Adam was pissing him off, and I wasn’t going behind his back to play in the band. Then he just started squeezing. He started choking me and telling me that he’d kill me if anyone else put their hands on me like that again. I couldn’t do anything, Sutan. I thought he was going to kill me. He doesn’t care what I want. What else am I supposed to do? I can’t fight back, because he’s so much stronger. Every time I struggle against him, it’s worse for me,” Tommy said, pulling the neck of his shirt down to show Sutan his bruised throat from Matt choking him this morning.

Sutan gasped and squeezed his hand, his eyes wide as he stared at Tommy’s neck. “You got out, Tommy, and that’s enough.”

“It doesn’t feel like enough,” Tommy whispered.

Sutan sighed. “I’m so happy you came here. I love you, Tommy, and I’m not going to let him get near you again. He doesn’t own you, baby,” Sutan whispered softly.

Sutan was quiet for a moment, and then he started running his finger through Tommy’s hair. “What else has he done, besides the things you’ve already told me?”

Tommy stood up and pulled his shirt off slowly to show Sutan all the battered and bruised skin; the scars from years of Matt hitting him.

“All the years of being with Matt have left me with something to remember,” he said, turning until he was face to face with Sutan. His gaze slid to the floor when he saw Sutan’s eyes widen. He knew he was ugly. He was too small, too weak, and covered with bruises.

The only thing that kept him from covering himself up was that he wanted Sutan to see, wanted someone to know what he’d been through, and he hoped Sutan could help him get away and not look back. He needed the comfort and security of knowing that Matt wouldn’t hurt him anymore. He was afraid that one day he’d either never wake up, or he’d be unable to live the life he’d always dreamed for himself.

Sutan stood up and hugged him, rubbing his back gently. He missed the sweet touches and gentle caresses of comfort. He hadn’t felt that since Adam’s party. It made him think of Adam and the way he was at Cabo; so sweet and _kind_. Sutan pulled him from his thoughts by running a hand through his hair. “This isn’t your fault, baby. You have to know that. And you have to go to the police and press charges against Matt,” Sutan said, eyeing his neck sadly.

Tommy looked at Sutan with fear in his eyes and in his voice as he whispered, “I can’t do that. Matt will kill me if he finds out about me going to the police. He’s going to be furious enough with me leaving. I don’t want to make this worse on myself. I’m scared, Sutan.”

Sutan sighed, shaking his head. “I know you don’t want to, Tommy, but this will make sure that he stays away from you. I want you safe; _you_ want you safe, so just do it.”

Tommy shook his head and pulled out of Sutan’s arms. “I’m not strong enough to face that, Sutan. I can’t file charges against Matt, I just can’t. I still love him. Yes, he hurt me, and I want to stay away from him, but you don’t understand, I can’t press charges against him.”

“Make me understand it, Tommy, because the only thing I can see are the bruises left by Matt’s hand all over your body.”

Tommy shook a little bit. “I love him, I can’t betray him.”

Sutan sighed. “He betrayed you by putting his hands on you, baby. You need to understand that.”

“I don’t know if I can live without him, Sutan. I kept thinking he would change, that he would be like he was when we first dated, but it never happened, it just got worse. He means everything to me and pressing charges against him feels like a betrayal of that love. All I want to do is stay away from him and never have to see him again.”

Sutan gently pulled him into a hug that Tommy clung to tightly. “Honey, you’re very strong. You need to do everything you can to make sure you’re safe, and more importantly, to make sure that Matt never touches you again. We need to go to the station so you can file charges. Please do it, Tommy.”

Tommy shook his head. “Sutan, Matt _will kill me_ if I try to do that. I just… I don’t want to give him any more reason to be mad.”

“I’ll be here for you and so will everyone else who cares about you. You have safety nets to lean on; you won’t have to do this alone. The police can handle it, arrest him and make sure the charges stick and don’t go away for any reason. You won’t have to face every day knowing that he could hurt you again. Please, Tommy, please do this.”

“What if he finds me? What’s going to happen then?” Tommy paused to see if Sutan would answer him, then sighed. “If he finds me, it’s going to be worse than this last time.”

Sutan shook his head. “Don’t think about that. It’s not going to happen, just think about what it will feel like to know he can’t hurt you any longer, that he’ll be behind bars.”

Tommy sighed and dropped his head onto Sutan’s chest. He knew he might not be able to follow through with this, but he had to try, right? He wanted the safety Sutan was talking about, wanted to know he didn’t have to hide from Matt. He wanted to be able to hang out with his friends, to be around Adam without the pain that followed when Matt got angry and hit him.

“Will you let me think about it?” Tommy needed Sutan to understand that this was huge for him; this was life changing for him. Leaving Matt was hard, but pressing charges on him would be even harder for Tommy. He just hoped that Sutan was right, that he could do this, and that he was strong enough.

Sutan let a small smile grace his face as he said, “Of course, honey.”

A few moments later when Tommy’s eyes started drooping from being so tired, Sutan told Tommy he could take a nap and that he’d make them some lunch when Tommy got up. He showed Tommy to his guest room, closing the door behind him. Tommy curled in on himself and closed his eyes, but sleep didn’t come easy. His mind kept going over and over everything. He wanted to talk to Adam, wanted Adam to hold him like he had when they were in Cabo and Tommy had those nightmares, but he didn’t want Adam to see him like this.

Matt would soon know that Tommy left and he’d be looking for him. Tommy knew Matt would hurt him if he found him. Going to the police scared Tommy. He wanted Matt away from him, but going to the police? He didn’t know if he could handle that.

Sutan said the police could keep Matt away from him, but Tommy didn’t think they would be able to, and that was why he didn’t want to press charges.

Tommy let the tears from his frustration, hurt, and exhaustion fall onto the pillow before moving onto his stomach with his head in the pillow. Everything was so confusing! He trusted Sutan’s judgment, and he felt safe with him, but Tommy wondered just how safe he’d feel if Matt knew he’d filed charges.

The biggest benefit of pressing charges was that Tommy would finally escape Matt’s grasp. He knew that pressing charges would send Matt to prison, and maybe he’d get the same treatment he’d given Tommy for so long. He wouldn’t want anything to do with Tommy after that, would he? Was that why he was having a hard time with the idea of filing charges? But he had to get away from him before Matt killed him. He didn’t owe Matt a thing. Just like Sutan had told him earlier, Matt betrayed him when he laid his hands on Tommy the first time. Pressing charges wasn’t a betrayal, it was the security Tommy wanted and needed.

Tommy fell asleep to the thought that maybe pressing charges was a good thing, that it’d free him, let him take control of his life again. He’d be able to see Adam like he wanted to; to touch Adam without looking over his shoulder in fear of Matt seeing and getting mad. He wanted control again; he needed it to survive this. Pressing charges would give him that control back; hopefully.

 

***

When Tommy and Sutan arrived at the police station, Sutan told Tommy to have a seat and wait for him. Tommy watched quietly as Sutan went to a window and spoke with the person behind it.

A few moments later, Sutan turned around and headed toward Tommy. When he sat down, he leaned over, grabbing Tommy’s hand and whispered softly that they were bringing an officer out to help them. They only had to wait about five minutes before an officer led them back to his office.

When they were seated, the officer folded his hands in front of him. “I’m Officer Collins, how can I help you today?”

Tommy turned to Sutan, afraid to speak. Sutan rubbed his hand in support, and looked at Officer Collins as he said, “He’d like to press domestic violence charges.”

Officer Collins raised an eyebrow and nodded, grabbing a stack of papers. “Okay, if you could fills these out and explain the situation, we’ll handle things from there.”

“Okay, and what do we do after that?” Sutan asked.

“We’ll bring them down to the station and file the charges. You’ll receive a letter for the court date in the next few days. You will need to bring evidence of the violence; pictures or eye witnesses will help,” Officer Collins explained.

“And how long will this process take? I leave on tour soon and won’t be in town,” Tommy said. He wanted to make sure he could get this done and over with as soon as possible and just leave it behind him. He wanted to start over and hoped that pressing charges would let him do that.

“It’ll take two to four months and in that time, if you want to file a restraining order, we can do that.” Officer Collins smiled kindly and it made Tommy feel a little bit better about the whole situation. If he could get all of this over with; court, pressing charges, getting Matt away from him, he felt like he might be able to breathe again.

He looked at the officer with hope as he said, “Thank you for helping me. We’ll get these filled out. You said you needed evidence of the assault?”

The officer nodded. “Yes, pictures will help, or eyewitnesses if there are any.”

Tommy nodded and turned to Sutan who stood, extending his hand out to Officer Collins. “Thank you for your time, Officer Collins. We’ll be in touch.”

“No problem. Don’t forget these.” Officer Collins handed Sutan the forms after shaking his hand and Tommy stood. Officer Collins looked at him and gave him a small smile. “Here’s my card. If you need anything, call me.”

Tommy thanked him for his time, grabbed his card, and left behind Sutan. When they were in the car, Sutan asked Tommy if he was okay.

“Yeah, I think I’ll be fine,” Tommy said as he slumped in the seat. It was almost like a weight had been removed, and now all he wanted was to go to sleep.

Tommy closed his eyes and leaned his head against the car door, falling asleep almost immediately to the hum of the car beneath him.

Tommy woke up to Sutan gently shaking him, and stumbled into the house without falling over.

“I think we need to take pictures of your bruises to send with the forms.” Sutan stated after they settled onto the couch.

Tommy woke up a little at that and thought about it. He felt _very_ self-conscious about people seeing his body; even Sutan. He hated getting pictures taken, and taken of his body felt much worse. But taking the pictures would help and Tommy needed to do it, so he sighed, standing as he said, “Okay.”

Sutan left and came back with a camera, took a few pictures of his throat, chest and back, then set the camera down.

“Are you going to tell anyone else about what’s going on?” Sutan asked.

“I want the band to know, just not right now,” Tommy said. He felt embarrassed that he was getting out of an abusive relationship.

“The management would get a copy of the charges, just so they know what’s going on. When are you going to tell Adam?”

Tommy hadn’t thought about Adam. If the management got a copy, then Adam would know. “I don’t know. I don’t want him finding out through management, though,” Tommy said.

“You don’t have to go into detail about it. You can just tell him that you were in a bad relationship and you’re trying to stay away from Matt. You don’t have to let everyone know _right now_ , but keep in mind that having them know will give you more support and help you get through this easier.”

“I know, but I’m embarrassed about this whole situation.” Tommy got off the couch and headed into the restroom.

He closed the door behind him and looked into the mirror. How did this become his life; hiding to feel safe from the person he thought loved him so much?

Should he tell the band what was going on? He didn’t feel like they could help. Knowing Sutan was here felt like enough, but he didn’t want the band to hear about it from someone else, or have to see firsthand just what Matt was capable of if he got off and showed up at practice. Maybe he should tell them what was going on. Tommy knew they were his friends, but he didn’t know if they would stay his friends after they found out how fucked up he was.

He wanted to tell Adam, but it seemed worse because Adam had seen the bruises Matt had made, even if he didn’t know Matt was the one who made them. Tommy knew Adam didn’t believe his lie then, and he hoped he would forgive him for it.

Tommy kept going over and over if he should let them know. He was scared that he would make the wrong decision and everything would go bad, but his gut kept telling him that they would want to be there for him.

Tommy sighed. “It might be for the best,” he whispered to himself. He went back to the living room to see Sutan putting in a movie.

“I have everything for you to fill these papers out. Do you want me to go with you when you drop this off?” Sutan asked as Tommy climbed onto the couch.

“Let’s try to drop these off in the morning before practice. I won’t have time after that and I just don’t want to wait any longer. Matt's going to be home from work in about an hour and will be pissed when he realizes I’m not there. I’m still freaking out about what he’ll do when the cops pick him up.” Tommy was still worried that Matt was going to find him.

“That’s fine. You can stay with me until the tour starts.” Sutan sat next to Tommy and stared at him. “Don’t think that staying with me is a burden, baby. I can see it in your eyes. I _want_ to help you and will do anything in my power to do so.”

“Thank you. For everything.” Tommy lean against Sutan and that was the last of their conversation.

Tommy began filling out the paper work, while Sutan watched the movie in silence. When he was finished, Tommy laid down on the couch with his head in Sutan’s lap while Sutan ran his fingers through his hair and watched the movie. It was so comfortable that Tommy was able to relax and fall asleep.

A knock on the door startled him awake and he jerked upright. “Oh, god, it’s Matt. He’s going to be so fucking pissed,” Tommy said quietly. He’d been wondering what Matt was going to do when he found out Tommy left him, he just didn’t think Matt would find him so quickly.

When Sutan answered the door, it was Adam that walked in. Tommy took a deep breath and then let it go with his fear. His heart was racing as he watched Adam turn toward him.

“Tommy?” Adam walked over to him and sat down. “What’s wrong? Why are you at Sutan’s?”

Tommy couldn’t speak for a moment. His mind was still reeling from thinking Matt was here. He finally looked at Adam and saw him staring with wide eyes. ”What happened to your neck?”

Tommy rubbed a hand over his neck, sub-consciously trying to hide it. “He just didn’t stop and I thought everything was fine again. He said no one could have me but him, and that I had to quit the band. I’m so sorry.”

“You’re going to quit the band? Why? Baby, what happened? Who did this to you?” Adam asked quieter, touching Tommy’s arm. Tommy scooted closer to him and Adam wrapped an arm around him.

Tommy didn’t think he’d be telling Adam like this, but Adam was here and holding him so close. This was what he wanted, right? For Adam to hold him close? “Matt. He told me I had to quit the band, but I said no and we got into a huge fight. But no, I’m not leaving the band,” Tommy whispered, pulling out of the hold and getting up.

***

Adam came to ask Sutan to join them on tour. Sutan answered the door and motioned for him to be quiet, whispering Tommy was sleeping. When Adam walked into the living room, all thoughts of talking to Sutan about the tour left his mind when he saw Tommy looking like he’d just seen a ghost.

“Excuse me a minute, I’ll be back. Do you guys want something to drink?”

Adam and Sutan shook their head and Tommy went to the kitchen. Adam sat there on the couch confused for a second. “What happened?”

Sutan sighed, walked over and sat down next to Adam. “Tommy will tell you that when he gets back. Just let him have his space for a moment. He’s really confused. Now what are you doing here?”

“I came by to ask you if you would join us on tour. I’m going to need a makeup artist. What’s Tommy doing here? Did something happen?”

Sutan sighed. “It’s his place to tell you, not mine. All I can tell you is that he needs support right now.”

Adam looked up as Tommy walked back into the living room and frowned at the bruise around his neck. Adam didn’t want to know the gruesome details, but he wanted to know what happened so he could help Tommy. He wanted to help Tommy get over whatever it was he was going through.

***

When Tommy walked back into the living room, Sutan got up and sat on the chair next to Adam. He sat down and looked over at Adam before sighing. “I’m sorry.”

“For what, baby?” Adam asked softly, moving so that he was sitting closer to Tommy.

“I just... I’ve been going through a lot and I really didn’t want to talk to you like this, but you’re here so I probably should tell you.”

Tommy saw Adam looking at him, waiting for him to continue. “Matt and I have had a lot of problems for a really long time. I love him to death, don’t get me wrong, but he’s just not the person he was when we first got together.”

Adam nodded his head and scooted closer to Tommy. Tommy reveled in the hug Adam gave him, but he needed to let Adam know what was going on.

“When we were together for about two years, Matt hit me for the first time. I was surprised and it wasn’t over something you’d think it’d be over. I left without telling him where I was going and when I came back, he hit me in the face. I didn’t talk to him for two days after, I was so hurt by it and then he’d apologized, said that he’d had a long day and that he’d taken it out on me and he was sorry. Told me it wouldn’t ever happen again. I believed him, too.”

“Tommy --” Adam paused when Tommy shook his head.

“It didn’t stop, though. It was for little things at first; not calling him back, leaving without him knowing, not cleaning the house properly. It just escalated and if I said something wrong or talked back, he’d hit me.” Tommy thought about what Sutan had said early, about not needing to go into detail, but this was making him feel better. Like it had when he told Sutan, so he continued.

“When I met you, I’d finally gotten used to just doing as Matt said so that he wouldn’t hit me. When you asked me to go to Cabo with you, you don’t know how badly I wanted to go, but Matt had said no and I couldn’t do it, you know?

“When we left the party, he beat me for you touching me and hugging me. That’s why I went to Cabo with you, to get away and think. I didn’t expect to come home to Matt coming to your house and yelling at you like that.

“I told Sutan what happened later. Matt had gotten into a bitching fit about something I can’t even remember and just wouldn’t stop hurting me. Sutan offered for me to stay here, but I just couldn’t leave.

“When you kissed me at the AMA’s, I knew it wasn’t supposed to happen. Getting Matt to believe that was impossible and he told me I was quitting the band. That’s why I’m here,” Tommy paused when he saw Adam’s eyes widen at the mention of the AMA’s.

“He hurt you because I kissed you? Fuck baby, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know. If I’d have known, I wouldn’t have done any of that!” Adam hugged him tightly and Tommy smiled a little before pulling away and shaking his head.

“I didn’t want you to know. I tried to keep my distance from you because Matt hated it when I was around you, so that’s why I stopped calling and replying to your texts. But when you kissed me and Matt said I had to leave the band, I outright refused to do it. It got really ugly.

“Yesterday morning when I woke up, I thought everything was fine, but Matt still insisted that I had to quit. When I said no, I thought he was going to kill me.

“I really thought he was going to kill me, Adam. I panicked. I’ve finally got something in my life that makes me whole and Matt wanted to take it away from me. I came here after deciding that I didn’t want to die. I’m pressing charges against him. It’s hard for me to do that, but I want him to stay away from me.”

“Tommy, I wish you would have told me sooner. I would have helped you, baby. You deserve better than that.”

Tommy harrumphed. “Yeah, that’s what Sutan said, but not deserving it and doing anything to be with him are two different things. I know if I want him to stay away, I have to press charges. He needs to pay for what he did to me.

“And I didn’t let you, or the band, because I’m embarrassed about letting anyone know I was being beaten all the time. I’ve worked too hard to stay here and I don’t want to leave.

Adam pulled him close and hugged Tommy tightly. “You’re not going anywhere, Tommy.”

Looking up behind Adam, Tommy could see Sutan standing there looking at him with pride for finally talking to someone about what’s been going on with him. It made him feel better getting everything out in the open.

***

Tommy was constantly busy. If it wasn’t band practice, it was a photo shoot, an interview, or dealing with court shit that he just didn’t _want_ to do, but knew he had too. He was always doing _something_ , but that didn’t seem to take any of the heartache away. Matt was arrested, but lawyered up as soon as he was taken in and they had to let him go. Matt had tried calling him, but Tommy didn’t answer the calls and deleted all his texts. He tried not thinking about it, but he was getting to the point where he wanted to let people know what he’d been through with Matt.

He needed to move on and he needed to take control of his life again. He hung out with the band every chance he got outside of rehearsal times. He loved staying with Sutan, and it was nice to have someone who would listen when he needed to talk.

Coping was harder than he’d expected. He finally came to terms that Matt didn’t hurt him out of love, he did it because he wanted control and Tommy gave it to him. He realized that the hitting wasn’t love, it was abuse. When he thought about it now, he wondered how he could have stayed for so long, how he thought that the way Matt treated him was out of love.

He still had feelings for Matt; of course. He didn’t know if that would ever stop. Some days, he wanted to just tell Sutan that he was going to go back to Matt. He felt like he missed him; he _knew_ he missed him.

He’d warmed up to the band more with all the time they’d all spent together rehearsing, doing photo shoots, and just hanging out at parties that Adam threw. He finally told them that he had been in a bad relationship, that it was over and Tommy was now going through some legal shit to keep the guy away. Tommy was still jumpy if they touched him, but he told them not to act any differently than they had before, just give him space whenever he needed it.

He loved going to photo shoots with the band. He didn’t like getting his photo taken so much, but he loved it when he could sit behind the camera and watch as the rest posed. He loved watching Adam the most, the way he was so business-like, but would crack jokes every time the camera wasn’t pointed at him.

Tommy got a sense of hope that they all loved him as much as he’d come to love them when they helped him with some of the things he didn’t understand. When he needed help getting a series of notes down, Monte was there showing him how to lay it out, break it down and make it flow like it should. Isaac would watch every movie in the world with him and just sit and talk all the way through it even though he knew it annoyed Tommy, but Tommy loved that about him. Cam was like his sister in so many ways. It made him think about how he would never have gotten to know these people like he did now if he’d stayed with Matt. It made him feel good. It felt like freedom.

Four days before the tour set off, Tommy was in practice, working out a bar for Fever when Adam came up to him. “Hey, Tommy?”

Tommy looked up from his bass and smiled at Adam. “What’s up?”

Adam scratched his head. “I was wondering. I know you’ve been dealing with a lot lately, and I don’t want to add to that, but what would you say to adding some interactions on stage?”

Tommy raised his eyebrow and stopped fiddling with his bass. “Like what?”

Adam smiled a little bit and shrugged. “Not much, just like me pulling your hair, touching you and stuff. It’s totally fine if you don’t want to, but I kinda wanted to give the fans a little something to spice up the shows, you know?”

Tommy laughed a little. He loved interacting with Adam. “Gotta tart it up, right?”

Adam smiled. “Exactly!”

“It’s fine, you can do whatever you want on stage, I’m cool,” Tommy nodded. Giving the fans something to take home with them was something Tommy could do. It wasn’t like Adam was going to embarrass him on stage in front of thousands of people, so he was fine with some hair pulling, maybe a few touches here and there.

Adam hugged him closely. “You’re amazing, you know that?”

Tommy blushed. He liked it when Adam gave him compliments. Hell, he loved it when they all gave him compliments; gave him something to feel good about.

They went back to practice then, going over a few things and then Tommy got a text from Sutan, telling him that he was outside whenever he was finished with practice. Sutan was taking him shopping for some new clothes to start the tour out in. He was a little excited, but he hated that Sutan was spending so much money on him.

When he said something to him about it the night before, Sutan told him that he wanted Tommy to have things of his own and that if he was uncomfortable with it, Sutan would stop. Tommy said that he wasn’t uncomfortable with it as long as Sutan didn’t do it all the time.

***

The day before they were supposed to leave for their first show in Nevada, Tommy went to see Mike for the first time since the fight after Cabo. Tommy still got chills thinking about it, how out of control he was and all the shit he went through.

Tommy knocked on his door and Mike answered in his boxers. Tommy started laughing.

“Hot date tonight?” Tommy joked.

Mike snickered and hugged him. “Just you, me, and the TV. It’s good to see you, man. You look amazing!”

Tommy held onto the hug, missing Mike more than he thought he would. When they pulled apart, Mike pulled Tommy into the apartment and pushed him onto the couch. “Call of Duty or Red Dead Redemption?”

Tommy laughed and pulled the new jacket that he’d gotten with Sutan off and set it over the back of the couch. “Either, doesn’t matter.”

Mike put in Red Dead Redemption and handed Tommy a controller. When the game started, they talked a little bit about how their lives were. Tommy let Mike know that he was doing better, not totally good, but he liked where he was.

“Does being in the band help at all? Is Adam good to you?” Tommy smiled and chuckled at the protective note in Mike’s voice. He had the best friends surrounding him.

Then, Tommy blushed a little bit at the mention of Adam. He was really the best. “Yeah, the band helps. Adam is amazing. Sometimes I wonder how I landed in his good graces and how all of this can be real. It’s like, he can take my mind off of everything, you know?” Tommy looked over and saw Mike grinning at him widely, letting him know that he just gushed about Adam. Tommy continued, saying, “Sutan means so much to me, too, helping me out of that situation. I don’t know where I’d be without all the support I’ve gotten, you know?”

Mike sighed and hit a few buttons on his controller before pausing the game. “I just want to let you know that everything I tried doing was to help you, Tommy. You’re my best friend and seeing how that bastard treated you made me want to kill him sometimes.”

Tommy put down the controller and wrapped his arms around Mike. “I’m sorry... For everything. I couldn’t believe what you were telling me. No, I just didn’t want to. Sometimes I still don’t believe that Matt wanted to hurt me, but the reality of it is that he did. I was so wrapped up in what I thought he was to me that I didn’t see what everyone else did. I still don’t see most of it, but I’m trying.”

Mike nodded and then pulled away, smirking at Tommy. “Since the sappy moment is over, you staying for a while?”

“Yeah, I told Sutan I’d be here and if he needed me, he could call.”

“Wanna celebrate the tour happening and your upcoming fame?” Mike smiled, getting up and heading to the kitchen and coming back with booze, shot glasses, and rolled up joints. Tommy smiled.

They took a few shots and smoked a few joints, talking about the tour and how long it would be, all the places Tommy wanted to see. Then when their high set in, they started talking about random things like movies, and guitars; cartoons with funny themes. Tommy didn’t feel like he could be any happier than right here, talking to Mike about nonsense with no problems in the world; that’s he wanted to think about anyways.

***

When Sutan and Tommy were all buckled up, Tommy started breathing deeply, in and out, through his nose and mouth. He looked over and saw Isaac doing the same thing. Chuckling, he relaxed some and Isaac looked over at him.

“Don’t like flying either?” Isaac asked.

Tommy shook his head. “It’s the crashing to your sudden death thing that gets me,” Tommy joked, trying to enlighten the mood.

Isaac laughed nervously, nodding his head in agreement.

Sutan leaned over and whispered into Tommy’s ear. “Just sit back and relax, the ride will be over before you know it.”

Tommy felt the tremors of the plane beneath him as it was taking off and gripped the arm rest until his knuckles turned white. He really hated flying. Breathing in and out through his nose and mouth, Tommy did his best to relax.

Around mid-flight, Tommy’s back teeth were floating. Noticing Sutan’s sleeping form, he carefully got up. Right as he stepped into the isle, he smacked into a broad chest, lost his footing and crashed into strong and familiar arms that wrapped around his midsection.

“Sorry,” Tommy said into Adam’s chest, a blush creeping up his neck from embarrassment.

Adam pulled him back at arm’s length and smiled at him. “It’s fine, are you okay?”

Tommy nodded his head, feeling a tightness coil up in his belly at the way Adam was soothing a hand down his back and staring at him intently. A shiver rolled down his spine when Adam pulled Tommy toward him. “Ladies first.”

Tommy furrowed his eyebrows and looked up at Adam, not knowing what he was talking about. Adam motioned to the bathroom with a mischievous smile. Tommy tried glaring, but it was ruined with the immediate laugh that burst out before he could get it down. He playfully shoved Adam and walked into the bathroom, not missing the softness in Adam’s eye as he shut the door behind him.

Leaning against the door, Tommy tried to will his heartbeat to knock down a few notches. He didn’t know what the feeling in the bottom of his stomach meant, didn’t know if he even wanted to know at the moment, but he’d been feeling it since the photo shoots before tour. He pushed his thoughts away and focused on the task at hand.

When he was back at his seat, Tommy tuned into the conversation the band was having.

“So, I’ve never been to Nevada. We’re going site seeing right?” Isaac asked, jumping a little, then stilling when the plane shook.

Cam nodded, “Yeah, I’d like to do that, too. Then afterward, we could all go out for dinner.”

“And then, hit the bars!” Isaac added, making Monte groan.

“On our first night in a new city, you’re thoughts are about getting wasted? Really, Isaac?” Tommy asked, amused at the way Isaac was acting.

Isaac shrugged. “I’m here, not getting any for six months because my wife’s at home. Of course I’m gonna get wasted!”

Everyone laughed at that and then Monte said, “Why not call her and talk to her?”

Cam groaned making everyone look at her. “If I have to deal with hearing two married men have phone sex with their wives this whole tour, I’m gonna die.”

Tommy turned when he heard Sutan chuckling, smiling at his friend.

“Are you excited for Nevada, baby?” Sutan asked.

“Yeah, seems like a great place to start out, you know?”

“How you holding up? Are you doing alright?” Sutan asked.

Tommy nodded his head, and they went back to the conversation, but Tommy zoned out after Sutan started talking with Monte about god knows what. He thought about the way he felt when Adam had held him; the soothing way his hand went down his back, the smile that played on his lips when Tommy blushed and apologized for running into him, and the soft look in Adam’s eyes when Tommy laughed at his little joke. It felt like all his problems could vanish with Adam just smiling at him. Tommy put his fingers up to his lips, touching them, making him think of how nice it would be to kiss Adam. That weird feeling was back in his stomach again and he let it reside there, having a feeling that it would be there a lot now that the tour was starting.

***

Arriving in Nevada, everyone grabbed their luggage and got in the limo taking them to their hotel. The first concert was tomorrow and everyone was dog tired from jet leg after the long flight. Tommy was almost sleep-walking and Sutan had to help him get into the back seat.

“Just lay down and sleep. I’ll wake you up when we reach the hotel and we find out who’s rooming with whom.”

Tommy relaxed into the seat and fell asleep immediately. What seemed like only moments later, Sutan was shaking him awake.

“We’re here already?” Tommy asked.

Sutan chuckled. “Yes, now come on, there’s a nice bed waiting for you in the room.”

Tommy got out of the car and grabbed his luggage, following Sutan into the hotel. When the rest of the band ventured in, they waited for Adam, who looked too excited as opposed to everyone else, who were trying to make it to a seat before they collapsed from exhaustion.

Adam frowned at them all. “Aw, come on, guys! We’re on tour! It’s time to get pumped!”

Everyone groaned and flipped him off which he shrugged it off and went to get their room keys with Lane. When he returned, he announced the room pairings. “Okay, Cam and Lane are sharing a room. Monte? You, Isaac, and Tommy are sharing a room and Sutan and myself are sharing a room.”

Tommy didn’t care if he roomed with a fucking elephant. He was bone tired and ready to sleep on the floor if he had to.

Monte grabbed their keys when Adam handed them out and they all went to their rooms.

Adam stopped Tommy before they got off the elevator. “You gonna be alright?”

Tommy nodded his head. “Yeah, ready to sleep. I’ll see you in the morning.” He hugged Adam, enjoying Adam’s arms being wrapped around him and the heat coming off of him, then kissed Adam’s cheek before he walked down the hall where Monte and Isaac were.

Walking into the room, Tommy claimed the bed closest to the door and dropped his luggage, face planting onto the mattress. Monte and Isaac laughed softly before doing the same. Tommy was asleep a few minutes after his head hit the pillow.

Waking up to loud noises and people talking wasn’t something Tommy was used to, but when he remembered that he was in another state, about ready to have his first tour performance, he relaxed and smiled. This was his life now and he couldn’t be happier. Unless he got food and coffee, like right now!

He sat up in bed and looked around, seeing Monte and Isaac sitting at the small table in the room playing cards. Tommy and padded over to the table, sitting down with a groan.

Monte chuckled. “Hungry? There’s food on the cart next to the small fridge.”

Tommy banged his head on the table and groaned louder.

“And coffee...” Isaac added.

Tommy perked up a little. “Coffee? Awesome!” He got up and went to the cart, lifting up covers and grabbing the pancakes and eggs, along with the coffee. He walked back to the table and sat down to eat, praising the Gods of Morning for the delicious black heat warming his throat as he shoveled everything down. When he was done, he moaned contentedly and watched Monte and Isaac play another hand of Rummy.

“Sound check’s in a few hours, so we all decided to hang out or sleep in.” Monte said.

Tommy got up and went to the guitar cases by Monte’s bed and picked up his, taking it back to his. He opened up his luggage and grabbed his I-Pod and earphones, then made himself comfortable. He got his bass out, put his earphones in, and selected Adam’s album. He played out the songs, memorizing them like he’d done so many times before.

He got lost in the music, hearing Adam’s voice and playing along with the bass line, so when someone tapped him on his shoulder, he jumped. Monte smiled at him and Tommy took out his earphones to hear Monte say, “You were singing along, dude. Sound check’s in about an hour. We need to go down and help set up, get our markers and things.”

Tommy nodded, put his bass back in its case and followed Monte out to a rental car. They climbed in, Monte’s guitar already in the trunk, and headed to the concert hall.

When they arrived, Tommy hopped out of the car, bass in hand and started for the doors. It was so huge without all the fans and posters crowding it that Tommy’s breath caught in his throat. He walked down the aisle, looking around and hopped on stage going to the right to put his bass down. Tommy saw Isaac with a magazine in hand and went over to chat.

When Adam and Cam went to their positions, Tommy grabbed his bass and plugged it in. He made sure it was tuned until Monte came out with the set list and made sure everyone got to see it.

“Okay, so since this is our first test run, we’re going to play FYE. By the way, once we do a few concerts, we’re adding some dancers. They’re already picked out and will meet us in Kansas,” Adam announced, looking at Tommy.

New people? Tommy shuddered and tensed up. He liked everything how it was. It was simple, well, as simple as a tour could be. Why do they need to add dancers? Tommy shook his head, shaking off thoughts that didn’t need to be in his head. They’re all probably really nice, and they can’t revolve this tour around Tommy just to make him happy.

Everyone nodded and then Isaac counted out the start with his drum sticks. They played the song, adjusting a few things and then played _Sleepwalker_ and _Down The Rabbit Hole_. After an hour of nonstop performing, adjusting volumes and tuning things properly, everyone headed off stage to get ready for the concert.

The band went to their dressing room, aside from Cam who got her own, and they changed into their costumes, nervousness pouring from one and all. Tommy got dressed in the bathroom connected to the dressing room; he still felt self-conscious showing his body off to the others.

When he walked out of the bathroom, Tommy went to the mirror and put on some makeup, fixing it just how Sutan had taught him and smudged the eyeliner in some places, then put on some lip gloss. When he felt arms wrap around him, he looked up to see Adam watching him.

“Are you excited?” Adam whispered into his ear, rubbing his shoulders after he released his hold on Tommy’s midsection.

“You just don’t even know,” Tommy said and smiled, putting the eyeliner down on the vanity and moving over to give Adam some room. Tommy watched as he adjusted his already flawless makeup, running a hand through his hair, messing it up a little.

Adam turned to Tommy with a concerned and serious expression. “Are you going to be alright out there, though? How are you feeling?”

Tommy sighed and playfully glared at Adam. “I’m fine, ready for the show to start. Thanks for your concern, mommy.”

Adam laughed and hugged him, kissing his forehead before going off to talk with the others. Tommy stayed back and stared at Adam, watching as he interacted with the band. They were all so kind to Tommy, always there when he needed it. As he watched Adam put on his purple jacket, Tommy thought he looked like a ring master with that thing on.

Adam looked so happy, pumped and ready. Tommy felt a little bit of jealousy at the way Adam carried himself. He wanted that, wanted the strong stance, not having to worry about anything. He pushed it away, knowing he was just getting in over his head. Adam was anything but strong at times. He was self-conscious just like Tommy. He had flaws, he screwed up, he had to worry about making the _right_ impressions, but Tommy just envied him. He took everything in stride and Tommy wanted that. Tommy saw all of Adam’s flaws as being part of his character; it just wasn’t the same when Tommy looked at himself.

Tommy walked over to Adam and hugged him from behind, needing something to hold him together right now. He started getting worried about if Matt was going to find him, hoping that he wouldn’t. Mike had called Tommy a few days after he left his house and said that Matt had called him, asking where Tommy was. Mike explained that he told Matt not to call Tommy, that he got what he deserved and to leave Tommy alone. Tommy was thankful to have Mike as a friend. He’d come so far these last few weeks and didn’t want to ruin that with fucked up thoughts. He’d have to go back to court and tell his story to the judge in a few weeks, so when they went to Los Angeles, Tommy would be going to court with the day off they had to visit family.

“You okay, baby?” Adam asked as he wrapped his arms around Tommy’s.

Tommy sighed into his back. “Over thinking things again, but I’m fine.”

“Come on, we have to go,” Adam said, turning and cupping Tommy’s cheek before kissing it and ushering him and the band out of the door and to the side of the stage. They had a show to do.

***

Walking off the stage and into reality again, Tommy was high on adrenaline and what happened on stage. Adam had talked about interactions, but Tommy hadn’t expected _that_. Adam had rubbed against him, pulled him against his chest, played with his hair and smacked his ass in more than one song. The fans loved it though and Tommy _really_ liked it.

“That was the greatest night ever!” Adam yelled, hugging the band and pulling them all together. Everyone laughed and squeezed tightly before letting go.

“Alright everyone, we’ve got a meet-n-greet and signing, then we can hit the bars,” Monte said, pushing people toward the meet-n-greet area where a few lucky fans got to talk to them closely. Tommy was a little iffy about it, having been told that the fans can be a little crazy, but he couldn’t wait to experience it.

“I’ll meet you guys there! I need to grab a few things and use the bathroom,” Tommy shouted, jogging toward their dressing room. The loud noise slowly faded around him when he rounded the corner to their dressing room.

He entered, grabbing his phone off the vanity before looking in the mirror and grabbing his eyeliner. He heard a sound and shrugged it off as the building creaking in the night.

He heard the sound again and turned, only to find himself sucker punched. He stumbled back against the vanity and opened his eyes to see the one person he’d been dreading to see for a month and a half now. Matt stood there looking angrier than Tommy had ever seen him.

“What are you doing here?” Tommy said, his voice was steady but his insides were screaming at him and his body started shaking when he saw the look in Matt’s eyes.

“I waited for you to come home, but I realized you left me when you never showed up. I tried calling and texting you, but you wouldn’t answer. Then the cops showed up to arrest me,” Matt screamed, closing the distance between him and Tommy.

“Get out of here now, Matt. I don’t want you here. I left you for a reason and it won’t look good for you when we go to court! Why can’t you just leave me alone?” Tommy moved away from Matt, putting the chair between them both.

Matt growled out, “Because Tommy Joe, you’re mine! I own you and you’re not just walking out on me unless I say. You thought you could just leave me! You’re as fucking stupid now as you ever were!” Matt grabbed the chair and threw it to the side, grabbing Tommy’s arm when he tried running for the door.

“Get off of me!” Tommy yelled, turning and without thinking, punched Matt in the face. Tommy froze, an _I’m sorry_ ready to pass his lips before he realized that he didn’t answer to Matt anymore; didn’t need to apologize for retaliating. This was his life and Matt was out of it because Tommy wanted him out of it! He had pressed charges for what Matt had done to him.

“That was a really fucking bad move, Tommy Joe,” Matt said, punching Tommy in the face and knocking him to the floor.

Tommy tried to get up, pushing himself up with his hands, only to get kicked in his side that sent him tumbling back to the floor again. A groan of pain pushed out the last of his air. He wished somebody was here to help him. He didn’t want to go through this again.

“Get up, Tommy!” Matt yelled, kicking him again. “Come on. You wanna hit me? Then get the fuck up and hit me!”

Tommy grunted in pain when a loud crack accompanied the next blow to his ribs. Pain shot through his body and breathing was almost impossible. Why was Matt doing this? Tommy was done with him! He’d been gone for over a month. He fucking pressed _charges_ against Matt! Was that not a huge fucking hint to leave him the fuck alone?

”Stop...” Tommy groaned out, curling into a ball, his sides and ribs hurting from the Matt’s kicks.

“Oh, fuck no. You’re not acting like the victim here, Tommy boy. You pressed charges against me, got me arrested, and you’re taking me to court. You think you can run away from this? No, you’re gonna fucking pay for you’re stupid ass mistakes.” Matt grabbed Tommy up by his shirt, pulled him to his feet, and drove his fist into his face before shoving him against the vanity. Matt grabbed his throat and Tommy pushed him away, hard enough that Matt stumbled back far enough for Tommy to grab his side and rush toward the door. He felt Matt grab his shirt and the impact of the costume rack when Matt threw him into it.

Tommy grabbed at anything and everything that he could reach and flung it toward Matt while he got to his feet and stumbled toward the door. Reaching for the handle, Tommy was yanked by his hair and he cried out as Matt shoved him down onto the floor.

When Matt grabbed him, Tommy punched Matt in the face before trying to shove him away. He cried out when Matt punched him, the force of the blow feeling like a hammer pounding into him.

“You deserve this! You’re nothing without me, Tommy! Nothing! No one can have you and I’m going to make sure of that.” Before Tommy knew what Matt was talking about, he felt cold metal against his throat and his eyes widen as much as they could with how swollen they were from the beating. Matt was holding a knife to his throat.

“Matt –” Tommy’s voice broke off on a wet choke and he couldn’t speak anymore. So this was it. Matt was going to slit his throat because Tommy left him? The last thing that went through his mind was something that surprised Tommy. It was Adam.

Tommy wanted to be with Adam, not here. He wanted Adam to hold him like he did in Cabo, running his fingers through Tommy’s hair while they watched movies, or cook tacos at Adam’s house. Tommy really loved Adam; more than he thought he did and more than a ‘just friends’ way. Right now, he wanted nothing more than to be with Adam, be protected by Adam, _loved_ by Adam.

The door of the dressing room crashed against the wall. Someone starting yelling, but he couldn’t concentrate enough to understand what was going on. His thoughts were stuck on the knife at his throat and praying Matt wouldn’t push any deeper than he already was.

A gunshot startled Tommy making him jerk, and the knife in Matt’s hand slipped and cut into his neck. The knife cut through the skin of his throat and blood trickled down the side of his neck. He closed his eyes for what felt like moments and when he opened them again, someone was above him, shaking his shoulder and calling to him.

He was lifted onto something that was softer than the ground, but not by much. Oxygen was strapped to his face and IV’s into his arm, but he was so out of it, he didn’t know what was going on.

The loud sirens faded in and out as he kept losing consciousness. Someone was shaking him and telling him to stay awake, but try as he might, he couldn’t.

What seemed like seconds later, someone was crying near him, and the warmth of a hand was wrapped around his. Soon it vanished and he was pushed down a corridor. Someone had pressure on his neck so he was unable to answer the questions the doctors asked.

He wanted to sleep, to forget this ever happened.

*~*~*~*~

Adam was a fucking disaster running down the halls after they heard the gun shot. Security guards had bolted toward their dressing room, calling Tim on their radios and asking if he was okay. Tim had asked the band if they wanted him to check on Tommy, and they’d been waiting for them to return, not expecting the sound of a gun firing off.

Monte, Isaac, and Cam were behind him, trying to get him to slow down, but Tommy was in that fucking dressing room. _Oh fuck, what if something happened to him? What if Matt showed up?_ Adam would be devastated if Tommy got hurt because he wasn’t there to protect him.

Running through the door and seeing a bruised and batter Tommy with blood running down his face and neck in the middle of the floor, Adam’s knees gave out and he suddenly felt sick. “Call a fucking ambulance!” Adam screamed. He quickly dropped to the floor next to Tommy, repeating his name while tears filled his eyes. He pushed Tommy’s hair out of his face, seeing the start of bruises forming around his eyes and jaw.

Someone pulled Adam away from Tommy when the paramedics showed up and put Tommy on a stretcher, hooking him up to IV’s and giving him oxygen.

After Tommy was loaded into the ambulance, Adam rushed to their rental car, where the rest of the band was waiting on him to follow the emergency vehicle to the hospital. It felt like the longest ride of his life. He just wanted Tommy to be okay. It surprised him just how much he loved Tommy, and how badly he want to protect him.

When they got to the hospital, Adam rushed through the doors to the stretcher Tommy was on, and held his hand until he was rushed into the E.R.

*~*~*~*~

Tommy was in pain. He didn’t know where he was, but the smell of disinfectant cleaner soon gave away that he was in a hospital. He was still too out of it to open his eyes, but he knew he wasn’t alone, he could hear their soft whispers around the room.

He groaned in pain and heard Adam say, “I’m gonna go get a nurse, tell them he’s awaking up.” He felt Adam bend over and kiss him softly on the cheek before letting go of his hand.

Tommy cracked his eyes open and tried to look around, his head was pounding and his body ached. He tried staying awake long enough for the nurse to explain things to him, but he couldn’t keep his eyes open, falling asleep soon after she arrived.

When Tommy came to again, he felt a hand on his rubbing soothing circles into his skin and he squeezed it lightly. He struggled to open his eyes. Everything was blurry and it took a few moments before anything came into focus. He turned and looked at the hand holding his, seeing black nail polish and a fuzzy warmth settle into his stomach. Trailing his eyes up to his face, Tommy could see blue eyes staring back.

Adam looked exhausted. He was still in his costume and his hair disheveled. What was left of his makeup was smeared on his face. He squeezed Tommy’s hand again and used his other to run his fingers through Tommy’s hair. “Hey, baby.”

“I’m so sorry, Adam,” Tommy whispered, closing his eyes against the hurt look he saw in Adam’s.

“Hey, don’t you apologize. I’m the one who should be sorry.” Adam shook his head and sighed deeply.

 _Adam shouldn’t be the one who was sorry. He didn’t do anything wrong._ Tommy didn’t understand. “You’re not the one with a crazy ex-lover.” Tommy sighed and looked at Adam with fear in his eyes. “Where is Matt?”

Adam looked at him for a moment before answering. “Tim walked in on him holding a knife to your throat and shot him. He died on the way to the hospital.”

Tommy tensed up, making everything hurt even more, but it wasn’t from sadness. He felt relief for a short moment. “Does that mean I’m safe?” was all he could say. Tommy had spent nine years with Matt, and a month and a half trying to get Matt to stay away from him. He thought that Matt would end up in jail, miserable because of what he’d put Tommy through; but not killed.

“How you feeling, man?” Isaac asked, stepping closer and rubbing his arm, distracting him. Cam sat down on the bed and grabbed his hand in both of hers.

“Sore. Tired. But I’ll live.”

Monte chuckled and walked over to him. “You better. The fans would kill us if anything happened to you. They love you, man.”

“We’ve only done one show. How could they love me?” Tommy asked. He liked that he had fans that cared.

“They remember you from the AMA performance. They still see it as a rebellious move and loved the kiss,” Monte said, chuckling and then going quiet when a nurse came in.

The nurse checked all the machines and his vital signs, then opened a folder and looked at him. She went over the damages; he had two cracked ribs that were taped, many lacerations that needed sutures, multiple contusions, and a concussion. They wanted to observe him for another day to find out why he was losing consciousness, and told him to remain in bed unless he had someone assisting him when he was out.

“He wasn’t supposed to be near me,” Tommy whispered after hearing what kind of damage Matt had done to him. _God, it’d taken so long for the old bruises to heal and now he had another reminder of what Matt had put him through._

The nurse nodded and then said, “There’s an officer here to talk to you, says you know him?” She raised an eyebrow.

“Officer Collins? Send him in,” Tommy said, asking Cam to help him sit up a little bit.

Officer Collins came in a few moments later, followed by Sutan. “Hey, Tommy. How you holding up?” Officer Collins asked and grabbed his notebook from his pocket.

“I’m ready to dance! How are you doing?” Tommy relaxed a little bit when he got a chuckle out of him.

“I’m sorry to hear you’re in the hospital because Matthew assaulted you. I know he was your ex and I’m sorry for your loss.”

Tommy hummed and looked at Officer Collins.

“I need to get your statement about what happened.” Officer Collins pulled out his pen and looked at Tommy.

Adam was right next to him, holding Tommy’s hand. Sutan approached and stood next to Adam. Tommy squeezed Adam’s hand and then turned his focus back to the officer who helped him for the last month. Tommy explained what he could remember, but so much of it was blurry.

“Thank you, Tommy,” Officer Collins said and shook his hand. “I hope you’re feeling better, soon.”

Tommy nodded. “Yeah, I’m hoping the same thing.”

Officer Collins shook his head and walked out of the room.

“Okay, we’re gonna let you get some rest. The nurse said you’ll be released tomorrow,” Adam said, and they all said their good-byes and headed for the door. Adam pressed a kiss to Tommy’s forehead. “Get some sleep, I’ll be back when you wake up.”

“Stay,” Tommy whispered, eyes drooping a little bit. He reached out for Adam’s hand and smiled when he felt Adam take it. When Adam sat next to his bed, Tommy scooted as close to him as possible before sighing heavily and closing his eyes. He felt drained from that little bit of activity.

Tommy sighed contently with a small smile on his face when he felt Adam running his fingers through his hair. He forced his eyes open and looked up at Adam, seeing blue eyes staring at him intensely. “I’m so sorry, baby,” Adam whispered, resting his head next to Tommy’s on the pillow.

Tommy liked having him this close. That feeling in his stomach he’d had since the photo shoots was making his stomach quiver, but it felt nice. He opened his eyes again and looked at Adam, his blue eye shifting and looking at his face.

“You’re so beautiful, Tommy. You shouldn’t ever forget that.” Adam ran his fingers over Tommy’s bruised cheek bone and Tommy shifted his head and nuzzled into the touch, kissing Adam’s palm softly. “Even like this.”

“I thought of you,” Tommy said. Watching confusion play on Adam’s face, he elaborated. “You were what I was thinking about when I thought Matt was going to kill me. I could only think about wanting to be with you, holding you and having you run your fingers through my hair like this. I just wanted you next to me. I feel safe when I’m with you.”

Adam smiled. “I wanted to hold you, too. I just wanted to protect you and tell you everything was going to be alright.”

Tommy moved a little closer to Adam’s face. “I want you to hold me right now.”

Tommy saw Adam’s smile get bigger and it made him blush a little at the way Adam’s eyes went darker. Tommy did want Adam to hold him. He wanted Adam’s warmth, to be surrounded by the smell of Adam.

Adam rose, confusing Tommy but when he felt Adam lay behind him, just close enough to touch him, he was comforted. Tommy slowly and painstakingly turned over to face Adam, wrapping his arm over Adam’s waist and resting his head on Adam’s shoulder. He didn’t want to move from there, content to be where he was.

Adam resumed running his hands through Tommy’s hair. This was what Tommy had been wanting; Adam this close and just holding him like in Cabo. He loved this; he really loved Adam. His heart swelled in his chest when he thought about it.

Tommy sighed. “Love you, Adam.”

Adam move gently until they were face to face, and he cupped Tommy’s cheek. With love shining in his eyes, Adam smiled. “I love you, too, baby. So much.”

Tommy hadn’t expected Adam to kiss him, but he loved that he did. Adam’s lips landed on his so softly, not demanding at all, just gently. Tommy kissed back, wanting Adam to know that this wasn’t an _I love you as a friend_ kiss, this was an _I love you and want to be with you_ kiss. Adam seemed to catch on because his breath hitched and he wrapped his arm around Tommy’s a little too tightly, making Tommy flinch in pain.

“Sorry, sorry,” Adam whispered against his lips, dipping in to kiss him again.

“S’okay,” Tommy said into the kiss, licking at Adam’s bottom lip to get him to open up and when he did, Tommy explored his mouth, flicked his tongue and pulled back to kiss him again, biting his lip as he pulled away.

“Get some sleep, baby. I’m taking you home with me when we leave here.” Adam pulled him closer again.

“Promise?” Tommy asked, closing his eyes and resting with Adam on the hospital bed. This was not how he imagined this, but it couldn’t be any better. Matt was out of his life and Adam was in it. Yeah, that was how it should be.

“I promise.”

He better.


End file.
